


Nobody said it was easy

by FromIdeaAndBeyond



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Cheating, Domestic Violence, F/M, Implied Smut, Long Term Relationship, Love, Realistic, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-02-23 16:01:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 30,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13193562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FromIdeaAndBeyond/pseuds/FromIdeaAndBeyond
Summary: These are the first five chapters from the reader's POV. The next few will be from Baekhyun's POV. I will upload them as soon as they are done.





	1. I'm here

I felt the soft tips of his fingers caress my shoulders. ‘Don’t you think you’ve done enough work for today, Jagi?’ He whispered as he placed a small kiss just below my ear. My nose caught a whiff of his odour; a musky cologne with just a hint of his strawberry shampoo. I frowned, annoyed by the loss of concentration. ‘I need to get this done, babe. People are dependent on me finishing this.’ I sighed, putting my pencil down and glanced at the notes I took. I glanced at the clock. It told me that it was ten to seven. I looked up at the man responsible for the distraction. He smirked at me knowing very well the effect he has on me. ‘Let’s just have dinner together first and then you can continue’ he mused. His brown eyes moving from my eyes to my lips. ‘I see I’m not the only one distracted’ I joked. I stood up from my chair, taking him up on the offer of dinner when suddenly his hands were firmly on my hips. I gazed up to meet his eyes and saw the desperation and lust behind them. He closed the gap between our lips and one of his hands roamed to the back of my head. ‘What about dinner?’ I murmured against his lips. ‘Dinner can wait’ he said as he picked me up bridal style. His lips never leaving mine as we made our way to the bedroom.

‘Baekhyun?’ I asked hesitantly whilst I was lying on his bare chest. ‘Hm?’ He responded, not opening his eyes. I looked at the way his eyelashes touched his cheek. I was struck with awe at how beautiful he was every time I looked at him. His golden skin was still sweaty from the previous activity and seems to glisten next to my pale hands. I regained my confidence. ‘What are we?’. One of his eyes opened to meet mine. ‘What do you mean ‘what are we’?’ I bit my lip feeling my confidence slip away again. This was met by a low groan from him. ‘You need to stop doing that Jagi, you know what effect that has on me’. He said as he threw his head back into the pillow. I blinked a few times in surprise before I realised he was talking about me biting my lip. What little confidence I had before was gone now. ‘Never mind’ I said as I turned around and threw my feet off the bed ‘I’ll go and make dinner’. His hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me back into the bed and into his strong embrace. He giggled at the shocked expression on my face. ‘You don’t get away that easily Y/N. Now spill the beans. What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours’ he kissed the side of my head and continued down my neck and shoulders waiting for my reply. Baekhyun knew about my diagnosed anxiety but ever since I told him my story the night we met I haven’t had any real issues with my anxiety around him. Until today. It wasn’t that he wasn’t affectionate enough towards me, or hadn’t shown me enough attention. God knows he’s a needy puppy that gives me constant attention even when I don’t need or want it. It was just that my brain had created a weird pattern where I believed that it was impossible for someone like Baekhyun to end up with someone like me. ‘I just..’ I started and I could already feel the tears in the back of my throat. He turned me around in our embrace so I was facing him. I looked down our hands in the middle afraid that if I’d meet his gaze the tears would spill. One of his hands moved towards my face and he used his delicate fingers to force my chin up slightly. He frowned at the sight of my tears. ‘Why are you crying, sweety?’ I felt a warm tear leave my eye and cursed to myself. I never could hide anything from him. ‘I’m just.... I...’ the dam had broken and I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. ‘I just don’t think I’m good enough for you’ I finally managed to get out. Baekhyun’s eyes grew wider. ‘Not good enough for me? Babe, what are you talking about. You are perfect for me. I’m honestly a little surprised at how you put up with my needy ass’ he smiled warmly. ‘I know it’s stupid but it just feels that way’ I pouted. His fingers carefully removed the hair from my face and used his thumbs to wipe the tears from my face. ‘I’m sorry’ you started but Baekhyun wasn’t having any of it he cupped my face and littered it with kisses, kissing warm new tears away in the process. ‘It’s okay babe, I love you, you are perfect for me and I have no plans whatsoever of ever letting you go, so as long as you can handle this needy puppy, I’m here’. He kissed my lips softly as if to savour the moment. He suddenly released me from our embrace ‘don’t move’ he said as he threw on a shirt and left the room. I let out a sigh and let myself fall back on the bed. Why, brain, why do you do this to me. I allowed myself to drink in Baekhyun’s quickly fading scent from the sheets. His smell was intoxicating to me, like a drug I could never get enough from. Which got quite awkward when we first met.


	2. Careful there

‘So, Y/N, this is your first work day. For now, you just have to tag along with me and I’ll teach you what you need to pay attention of before I leave, okay?’ Jung-Nam told me. He was the main producer at SM Entertainment which was going to be my position in a few months as he was about to retire. I bowed to Jung-Nam and told him that I was looking forward to learning from him. He started by giving you a quick tour around the building. Showing me the practice rooms, offices and cafe. I could barely belief that I was actually there. I had been dreaming about working here for years and now I was in the run for the position of main producer. It all felt like a dream. Jung-Nam introduced me to a few of the idols who were practicing in the building. They were all very nice and welcoming to me. However, one group in particular grabbed my attention. They were called EXO all of them were incredibly handsome and I was at a loss of words around them. They bowed deeply when they met me which caught me a little off guard so I tried to bow even deeper to show my respect. However, due to my clumsy disposition I tumbled over and almost fell. Almost because two strong hands with long delicate fingers prevented me from actually falling. ‘Careful there’ he said smiling. The rest of the group proceeded to gather around me to ask if I was okay. ‘My name is Baekhyun’ said the handsome man who saved me. A round of names followed. There was Junmyeon who has a warm smile and fatherly disposition, he was the leader of the group. There was Jongdae whose face looked like an emoticon. His laugh was loud and contagious. Then we had Kyungsoo, his voice was soft and warm, almost velvety. He seemed friendly. Sehun was the youngest of the group and he cutely placed a kiss on my hand. Next was Jongin, a man who walked straight out of one of those fashion magazines that I secretly love to read. Next was Yixing who bowed to me again when he introduced himself. He told me he was from China and wanted to take me there some time, I blushed al little. There was Chanyeol who literally couldn’t be missed even if it was just because of his height, his smile reminded me of a puppy I had when I was younger. In fact, Chanyeol himself reminded me of a puppy. Then there was Minseok who had beautiful cat-like eyes, he seemed shy and moved to the back of the group as soon as he had introduced himself. When Jongdae asked why he moved away so quickly I heard him mumble something about being shy because I was beautiful. I felt my face flush and hoped that none of the boys would notice this. 

Baekhyun of course did notice. ‘Look guys she’s all red’ he teased. You shot him a deadly glance which made Chanyeol laughed so loud that Jung-Nam looked up from his conversation to look at them. ‘Did you see that’ Chanyeol said between bursts of laughter ‘if looks could kill, Baek would have been a dead man’. He continued to laugh and slap Yixing playfully. My face turned even more crimson out of sheer embarrassment. ‘Y/N, let’s go, we have things to do’ Jung-Nam called. I apologised and bowed once more to the boys stealing a quick glance from Baekhyun who still seemed shocked by my evil stare and followed Jung-Nam to the offices. I felt glad at the end of the day. Apart from the one interaction with the EXO members nothing embarrassing had happened after. I sighed contently giving myself a mental shoulder pat in the process. I packed my back and stood up from the desk. Glancing around the office it seemed I was the only one left there. I started thinking about what I should cook for dinner, I wasn’t used to Korean food just yet. It seemed so different from what I had in the UK. I was deep in thought when I suddenly collided with another person. ‘I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going and… oh. It’s you’ I said looking up at a smugly smiling Baekhyun ‘Yah! Show a little more respect to your hyung’ he said jokingly as he held out his hand. ‘Yah! You’re not my hyung. I’m older than you’ I spat back taking his hand anyways. We were only inches apart when he lifted me up I drowned in his scent. It was a mixture of musky coconut and vanilla with a light hint of strawberry. His eyes grew wide again. I rolled mine ‘your eyes might fall out some day if you keep doing that’ I commented and turned around to lift my bag from the ground. ‘See ya, Baekhyun’ I said to his still dumbfounded figure and continued the path I was walking. Sudden slender fingers around my wrist made me stop in my tracks. Baekhyun had regained his courage again and was now holding my wrist. I looked at his hand around my wrist. His fingers were long and delicate, almost, beautiful? ‘No that’s weird. Hands aren’t beautiful, they’re just hands’, I thought to myself. I looked back up at his face. He licked his lips before speaking. ‘Ehm… are you, eh, are you busy now? Me and the boys have just finished practice and I thought maybe we could all grab something to eat together. Unless you have already eaten then you can just, I don’t know, watch us eat?’ he smiled hesitantly. His other hand reaching up to touch the back of his neck. This time it were my eyes that grew wider. ‘Did he just invite me to have dinner with all the members of EXO’. I was a little star struck and opened my mouth to reply, but no words were coming out. Eventually I just nodded and Baekhyun dragged me along. Hand still firmly around my wrist. His scent overwhelming me again as we moved through the corridors. My heart was leaping in my chest and I hoped that Baekhyun wouldn’t see the crimson blush that was decorating my face.


	3. Silly Boy

A strawberry blond head peeped around the corner of the door. ‘Babe, are you ready?’ Baekhyun asked. I was still spread out on the bed lost in the memory. I looked up at the question. ‘Hm, yeah, I guess’ I hummed lazily. Baekhyun opened the door wider so he could pass through it with a tray in his arms. He shuffled to the bed making sure all of the many dishes on the tray stayed put. Once he got closer I realised that the tray was filled with all my favourite kinds of Sushi. I pushed myself of the bed a little popped up on my elbows and cocked my head. ‘What’s this?’ I asked. ‘Dinner’ he said grinning widely. I sat up completely now and looked at the tray. ‘Baek, this is enough to feed an orphanage’ I whined. ‘A whole orphanage or one Y/N’ he joked. I hit his arm playfully. ‘Yah, I’m not a pig’ I put my best pouty face on. He smiled and softly stroked the side of my head with his long fingers before placing a soft kiss on my lips ‘you’re my little pig, now eat!’ I hit him on the arm again and he shot a warning glance my way. I quickly picked up a pair of chopsticks and started eating. Half an hour later all the plates were empty and my stomach was stuffed. ‘I’m not a pig’ Baekhyun imitated mockingly. ‘Tsk. I should’ve picked Minseok as my boyfriend, he is much nicer and enjoys it when I eat well’ I teased back. I saw Baekhyun’s eyes fill with sadness for a brief second before he smiled. ‘hah, Minseok wouldn’t even want you near his food because he’d want it all to himself’ that made us both laugh. After eating all that Sushi, I felt my eyes grow heavy and felt myself drift off. For a split second, I fell asleep but then I remembered my work. I forced my eyes open and threw my legs off the side of the bed. I grunted a little, not finding the motivation just yet but I really needed to get the outline done before tomorrow. ‘Yah, where do you think you’re going’ Baekhyun shouted from the bed. ‘To work, unlike some people, my work doesn’t end when I get home’ I shouted back and made my way back into the study. Everything was as I left it before Baekhyun distracted me. I poured myself a glass of water and sat myself behind the desk. It was 1:45 AM when I finally finished my production outline and turned off the light on the desk. A big yawn crossed my face and I stumbled toward to bedroom. I opened the door quietly, thinking Baekhyun would be asleep, but when I opened the door I saw him sitting up, his face illuminated by the light of his phone. ‘You’re still up?’ I asked surprised. His eyes shot towards mine and he put his phone down. ‘Yeah, you know I can’t sleep when you’re not next to me.’ He smiled and beckoned me to come to him. ‘I’ll be right there, babe, just going to clean my face and brush my teeth’ with that I made my way into the bathroom. I had always been particular about my night time routine and I would never skip my skincare routine. Not only was it to clean my face and keep my skin clear, it was also a way of wiping the anxiety of the day away before allowing myself the bliss of sleep. When I came back from the bathroom Baekhyun was on his phone again. I slipped into one of Baekhyun’s t-shirts and got into bed. ‘Goodnight’ I mused and turned my bedside lamp off. Baekhyun put his phone down and nestled himself behind me as the big spoon. He quickly turned his light off and kissed my neck a few times. ‘Goodnight, baby’ He said as we both settled into sleep.

The next morning, I woke up to an empty bed. I always hated it but it happened more often than not. This morning I was surprised to find a little note with Baekhyun’s hand writing on it.

Good morning Jagi, 

I hope you slept well. I had to leave early for practice today. We’re practicing our upcoming concert. I’m sorry I’m not allowed to bring you and show you everything we’re doing. You’ve just got to be patient okay? I didn’t want to wake you because you look so beautiful when you’re asleep, so that’s why I am writing this.  
I’ll be home late. Don’t wait up for me, I’ll be quiet.

Love you,  
Baek

P.S. there’s breakfast in the fridge for you 

I smiled at the note. Silly boy, I knew he would be practicing for the new concert since I’m the main producer nothing goes past me. However, this was a project that I assigned to somebody else. Mainly to deflect the rumours around the office about Baekhyun and myself. Only two members of EXO (Minseok and Chanyeol) and one of my colleagues (called Sophie) knew about our relationship and we had made them swear secrecy until we figured it out how to deal with it at work. Sophie advised me to assign someone else to lead the Elyxion concert production. I reluctantly agreed and told Baekhyun the news. He smiled warmly and told me that it would be fine and that he would just tell me everything after each practice session. However, the new producer made the boys sign a contract to keep the contents of the show a surprise for anyone outside the immediate crew. Baekhyun pouted a lot telling me he would tell me anyways regardless of the contract. Until I told him that I had to fire him if he did that, since purposefully breaching a contract was a serious offence within a company. I had to deal with a whining and pouty Baekhyun for a whole month before he accepted his fate and made me promise to show up on opening night. ‘Baek, I am the main producer. I HAVE to be there on opening night. It would look bad on the company if I wasn’t there’ I laughed at Baekhyun’s ecstatic expression.   
Practices had been running really late recently and I found myself alone most nights of the week, frankly I was getting a little lonely. I was pretty sure not all of the boys would have practices at the same time, since I don’t think the choreographer could handles them all together day in and out, so I texted Minseok to see who was off for tonight to keep me company.


	4. Visitor

Y/N: Hey Minnie, are you still practicing? If not, want to come over? I know Baek’s going to be late and I’m lonely :(

A few seconds after I sent my message my phone buzzed.

M: Hey, no I’m not busy. I’ll be there in ten. Go pick a movie from the list!

Minseok and I had created a list of films neither of us had seen before but were desperate to see at some point. We promised each other that we would only watch the films on the list if at least both of us were present. This was a perfect opportunity to actually watch a film from the list since Baekhyun’s attention span was so short that 10-minutes into the film he would start distracting you. He wasn’t here to do that now. I picked one of the more serious ones from the stack and placed the DVD in the player. Then I made my way into the kitchen to prepare some healthy snacks. Both Minseok and I were fond of healthy snacks so I made sure to have an array for choices for us to munch on during the film. All members have a set of keys to our apartment, you know, just in case something happens, so I was surprised when I heard a knock on the door. I walked to the door and was greeted by Minseok when I opened the door. ‘You have a key Min, what are you knocking for?’ I shot. Suddenly I realised that he wasn’t wearing his usual ‘comfy practice attire’ but some nice black skinny jeans and a tight-fitting shirt. His hair was also styled backwards, showing his forehead. He looked good and you caught yourself staring just a little too long. ‘I know’ Minseok said ‘You’re drooling’ he commented and walked in, leaving you stunned at the door. He hopped on the couch and got some of the blankets from the side. I walked in and put the snacks on the table carefully, and slowly, trying to sneakily glance at Minseok who was starting up the DVD. ‘You’re really not really being subtle you know’ Minseok commented without looking away from his task. I gasped softly ‘Why are you dressed all fancy though, is this a date to you?’ I joked, trying to hide the crimson colour that appeared on my face. ‘I just was a bit sick of all the sporty clothes this week’ he said. He finally looked at you and patted the sofa next to him. ‘Come sit, let’s watch this’. I shrugged my shoulders and tried not to overthink it. I jumped on the couch making me bounce into him. He chuckled and pushed me away playfully ‘Hey, I’m not something to jump on’ he joked but didn’t push me away further. He grabbed one of the blankets and draped it over the both of us and pressed play. ‘Lights down’ I shouted knowing the automatic system in the kitchen would pick up and would dim the lights to an atmospheric setting. I settled a little closer to Minseok and put my head on his shoulder. We did this all the time and I knew Baekhyun wouldn’t mind this. Minseok is his best friend and when I got closer to Baekhyun in the beginning, I got close really quick with Minseok as well. Minseok has a really soft personality. He might be the strongest in strength of the group of boys but he’s got the softest heart. He’s always there to help and he’s helped me through many of my panic attacks in my first days as the main producer of the company. He’s gentle and patient and would be the perfect boyfriend material. I always pictured myself with someone like Minseok. However, my heart got stolen by the biggest idiot of the group pretty quickly and there was no turning back for me then. It didn’t mean that I couldn’t appreciate Minseok for the loving kind person he was and I was always busy trying to find someone good enough for him. About three quarters into the film I feel my eyelids growing heavy. I made myself a little more comfortable against Minseok’s chest and felt him starting to play with my hair. This made me fall asleep quickly. 

I was awoken by a pair of soft lips against mine. I kissed back happily assuming this must be Baekhyun returning from his practice. The kiss grew needier and I threw my arms around his neck, my eyes were still too heavy to open. I could hear his breathing get heavier and his hands were roaming my body. I let out a soft moan. The familiar click of the lock on the door made my eyes shoot open and I was met with Minseok’s eyes just a few inches from mine, our lips still touching. I pushed myself away from him and from the couch. Shock colouring my face. Baekhyun entered the living room just when I got up from the sofa. ‘Hey babe’ he moved closer to me to peck my lips. I still stood there speechless. Dumbfounded at what just happened. Minseok didn’t meet my eyes. ‘Hey Min’ Baekhyun greeted, oblivious to the obvious tension in the room. ‘Hey Baek, had a good practice?’ he finally answered casually ‘Yeah, same old. Just that one move that I can’t get right’ He tried to show the move but apparently failed to do it correctly. He sighed in frustration. ‘Babe, why are you standing there’ Baekhyun commented. ‘I just…’ I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to be honest with Baekhyun because we’ve always been honest with each other, but something inside me stopped me from calling Minseok out right here and now. Did I like it? I mean yeah, the kiss was good but Baekhyun has my heart. I can’t betray him. I don’t know what to do with this situation. Baekhyun was still watching me attentively waiting for my reply ‘I’m just going to go to the bathroom, I think I just got my period’ I lied and hurried to the bathroom. I heard Baekhyun grunt in frustration. ‘Uhg that means no sex for at least a week’ he whined to Minseok who chuckled at this. He knew the comment was a lie to get away from there. ‘What are you watching’ Baekhyun asked curiously. ‘Oh, just some serious war-drama, but Y/N fell asleep half-way through, she had just woken up when you came in actually.’ I heard Minseok say, his voice calm and soft. Apparently unaffected by the event. ‘Wow and she was already standing when I entered the living room? She must have really missed me. I’m so lucky to have her you know, Minseok.’ A wave of guilt washed over me and I finally closed the bathroom door. How could I have let this happen? Why didn’t I say anything? I let myself slide against the door to the floor. Head in my hands. I sighed heavily, desperately trying to find a way out of this mess. I should definitely tell Baekhyun, right? He wouldn’t get angry and understand, right? Minseok is his best friend, he might lose him if I tell. Maybe I should talk to Minseok about it first, see why he did it. I regained my confidence and exited the bathroom. I almost walked into Baekhyun on the way out. ‘Hey, you okay?’ He asked, concern colouring his voice. I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat. ‘Yeah, false alarm’ I smiled. A forced one, but Baekhyun seemed to buy it. ‘Really?’ He chirped, placing his hands around my waist and pulling me closer. I nodded and his lips found mine. ‘Good, because I have big plans for tonight’. ‘Minseok…’ I mumbled against his lips. ‘Left’ he mumbled back and pulled me into the bedroom.


	5. confrontation

Baekhyun had no schedules for the weekend and decided that we should go exploring together. I packed a small backpack with snacks and water and we drove to the nearest mountain to start a hiking trail. Baekhyun liked to stay active even outside his physically intense schedule. I was a bit of a fit junkie myself so I happily joined. We brought a speaker and were happily singing along with the music when Baekhyun suddenly halted me in my trail. ‘Turn off the music’ he whispered and my senses sprung on high alert. ‘What is it’ I whispered back, barely audible. He just held up his hand to his face, indicating that I needed to be quiet. I tried my hardest to take my steps as soft as possible. Even though I had no clue what was going on I trusted Baekhyun so I was quiet. Until I tripped over a loose rock and tumbled over, dragging Baekhyun with me in my fall. I squealed out in the fall and landed on top of Baekhyun. Who looked around quickly to see if our noise had scared away whatever it was he had seen. He grunted in frustration. ‘You scared it’ he said the annoyance clear in his voice. I quickly got up and bowed my head in shame ‘I’m sorry, I tripped’ I whispered. I hadn’t hurt myself but tears sprung in my eyes from embarrassment. Baekhyun had gotten up as well and was patting the dirt of his trousers. I started walking again, afraid that if I spoke any more the tears would fall. It felt like everything I did wrong added up to the massive guilt I felt from kissing Minseok. After a few minutes of silent walking a hand slipped into mine and I looked up in surprise. Baekhyun was still looking ahead but smiled. ‘I’m not angry, you know’ he mumbled after another few minutes of silence. I looked at him again, this time in confusion and a slight wave of dread washed over me. Did he know about the kiss between Minseok and me? ‘About the noise we made’ he continued and chuckled a little at the memory of it. ‘Only because you look so incredibly cute when you fall over’ he finally met my eyes and started laughing louder ‘Do not!’ I shot back. ‘Do too’ he replied and used his other hand to pat my nose softly. I wanted to hit him in the shoulder but he was quicker and grabbed my wrist. ‘Now, now. Play nicely’ he used the leverage he had to pull me closer and kissed my lips. His hands found my waist and I let my hands roam his back. A few moments into the kiss Baekhyun’s phone began to vibrate violently in his pocket making us both jump in shock. ‘God, how is that thing so violent, it’s really rude’ I laughed and Baekhyun got the phone from his pocket to check who it was, the name seemed unfamiliar to me. Baekhyun shot me an apologetic look ‘I’m sorry babe, I have to take this’. I smiled and motioned for him to pick up. He pressed the green button on his phone and held it to his ear. ‘Baekhyun speaking’ he said and moved a few paces away from me. I assumed it was someone from the concert crew informing him on his new schedule so I let him have his privacy and started to roam the area a bit. 

After about 10 minutes Baekhyun returned with a frown. ‘Something the matter?’ I asked worriedly. He replaced the frown with a smile and grabbed my hand. ‘Nah, nothing too bad, just work stuff. They want me to come over but I told them I’m busy spending precious time with you now’ he mumbled and dragged me along until we were walking our trail again. I decided to leave it at that and tried to meet his pace. ‘Baek’ I panted after a while ‘Your legs are longer than mine, please some consideration’ I put my hands on my knees and heaved over to catch my breath. I wasn’t actually tired but the silence had reminded me of the events of the previous evening and I was suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. Baekhyun and I have always been completely honest with each other. Giving each other space when we needed it and created a trust in each other that we would share whatever was bothering us when we were ready. Never before had I felt conflicted about telling Baekhyun anything. I always blurted out every single thing that was on my mind. Now, However, I am so scared at how he’s going to take this news. I know it will hurt him, Minseok is his best friend. A hand softly stroked my back and another wave of guilt washed over me. He deserved to know. After everything he’d done for me, he deserved the truth. I forced myself to look up at Baekhyun. He smiled warmly and took my hand in his. He slowly lifted my hands to his face and kissed each finger with care. I retracted my hands slowly. Confusion clouded Baekhyun’s face. ‘Baek’ I started, my voice merely a whisper ‘I need to tell you something’. His confused look was quickly transforming into a worried one. ‘Are you okay? Did something bad happen at work? Is it your anxiety?’ he shot the questions so quickly that I had no chance of responding. I placed two of my fingers on his lips to shut him up and shook my head. ‘Minseok…’ I slurred ‘He… I…. We…. We kissed’ I finally managed to get out. All emotion had left Baekhyun’s face and for the first time in our three-year-long relationship I was unable to read him. He let go of my hands. The gesture hurts. ‘It was a mistake’ I pleaded. ‘I fell asleep during the film and then he kissed me and I thought it was you so I kissed back’. Baekhyun stayed silent. I could see the conflict working in his brain but no words were leaving his mouth. ‘Baek, please, talk to me’ I pleaded. ‘Don’t call me that’ he spat. ‘You don’t get to call me that right now’. His eyes refused to meet mine but I saw the tears well up in his eyes. I have only seen Baekhyun cry twice in our relationship. Once, at the start of our relationship when he thought I was in love with someone else and once when his mother died. In a sort of reflex, I reached out to him to comfort him but he smacked my hands away. ‘Don’t touch me’ he screamed and walked away from me. ‘Baekhyun, where are you going’ I shouted after him trying to catch up. ‘Away from you, far away from you’ his reply stopped me in my tracks. Was this going to be the end of our relationship? Should I’ve talked to Minseok first, like I was planning to do? I stood there frozen. Unsure of what to do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are the first five chapters from the reader's POV. The next few will be from Baekhyun's POV. I will upload them as soon as they are done.


	6. Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter from Baekhyun's point of view. I find it hard to switch mindsets so quickly into the story to the next chapter might take a while. I hope you guys enjoy this one though :)

**Baekhyun’s POV**

A sour taste filled my mouth at the mention of her words. ‘Minseok… He… I… We… We kissed’. The love of my life and my best friend…… kissed. Right under my own goddamn roof. I couldn’t meet her eyes. Fresh tears were stinging in my eyes and my throat felt tight. ‘I thought it was you so I kissed back’ I couldn’t utter a word. She thought it was me? That’s her pathetic excuse? After three years of kissing you would think she would know if it was me kissing her or not. How could she do this to me? ‘Baek, please, talk to me’ she cried. ‘Don’t call me that’ I spat. ‘You don’t get to call me that right now’ I saw her move her hands towards me ‘Don’t touch me’ I shot louder than I anticipated. I realised I had hit her hands away from me and started to make my way towards the car in a fast pace. She tried to catch up with me. ‘Baekhyun, where are you going?’ I heard her shout. A wave of anger washed over me ‘Away from you, far away from you’ I shouted back. ‘Far away so I can’t let you hurt me like this again’ I mumbled only to myself. I slammed the car door shut and started driving. Not caring how Y/N got home. Or if she would go home. I needed to be away from her and this situation. Whenever I had issues before I would call my best friend Minseok and he would be there for me. However, I didn’t feel like contacting him at this current moment. In desperation, I called the last number I had a phone conversation with. It was my Personal Assistant. Her name is Isobel and she obviously has the biggest crush on me. She is not very subtle about it either. Shooting me longing glances and giggling more than necessary. I never really cared about it. I had little choice in who was my PA since our manager wasn’t very happy with me having a PA at all. He told me that this was just one more person who could potentially spoil the concert to the outside world. So, I made her swear not so do anything with the very confidential material she was handling. Since she was such a love-struck puppy this was quite easy to achieve. She quite literally did everything I asked. Me and the boys would make fun of this most of the time, trying to test her limits until Jongdae would call a stop to it, feeling sorry for her. I felt a little guilty now how I had treated her over the past year. ‘Please, pick up. I don’t want to be alone right now’ I mumbled softly to my phone. After two rings a cheerful voice answered ‘Hey Baek, changed your mind?’ she giggled. I suddenly remembered our last phone conversation where she’d asked if I could come into practice with the boys to perfect a few of the moves some more. I had blown her off wanting to spend more time with Y/N. Now that that was out of the way an intense practice session seemed exactly what I needed. ‘Yeah, Kinda, I hope the boys are still there?’ I inquired. ‘They’re still here, they’ll be very pleased to hear you’ll join them after all. I will tell them straight away, see you in a bit’ she chattered. ‘Yeah see you soon’ I sighed and changed my course to head towards the practice studios.

The first person I saw when I entered the practice room was Minseok. He was by himself. I had honestly forgotten he was part of the same group as me. His involvement in my misery suddenly became a prominent part of my thoughts, but I chose to ignore him. ‘Hey Baek, how’s it going?’ Minseok shouted from the other side of the room, as if I couldn’t hear him when he would speak on a decent volume. I took a deep breath. I couldn’t lose control. Not here. Not with my job at stake. ‘Don’t talk to me’ I muttered loud enough for him to hear. ‘Something wrong?’ Minseok asked. I hated the genuine concern that coloured his voice. ‘Yes’ I replied back with no intention of explaining anything further to him. For all I cared I would never speak to Minseok again. He kissed the love of my life, in MY house. He knew about our relationship so it couldn’t have been ‘an honest mistake’. I was in no mood to discuss this any further. At that moment, the other members returned distracting me enough to avoid a head-on confrontation with Minseok. Normally I would do almost every exercise together with Minseok. Not now though. I needed to stay clear of him if I want to keep my job. I found my sanctuary in Chanyeol who seemed to notice the tension between Minseok and myself. He made it his job to keep us away from each other. I silently thanked him for his ability to read people so well and we worked together on our exercises. During a break, I left the room and Chanyeol followed suit. ‘So, what’s up between you and Minseok?’ He asked casually. ‘Oh, I just want to rip his head off his romp’ I answered in a matching casual tone. Chanyeol almost spit his water everywhere and his eyes were wide with horror. ‘Woah, what did he do to deserve that?’ Chanyeol asked after he finished cleaning himself up. ‘He kissed my girlfriend’ this was the first time I said it out loud. Chanyeol knew about my relationship with Y/N so I felt safe telling him the story. A pair of giant arms suddenly engulfed me and pulled me into his chest. ‘I’m sorry dude, that’s rough’ Chanyeol hummed and I could feel the vibration of his low voice in my cheeks. I felt the tears sting in my eyes again but mentally forced them back. I had lost my dignity enough for one day. Chanyeol let go me and held me at arm’s length. A mixture of care and concern was written all over his face. ‘It’s just… I don’t know what to do now’ I continued my voice quivering a little. Chanyeol frowned deeply. I knew this was his ‘thinking face’ and since my question was genuine I allowed the silence to fill the room. After a while Chanyeol sighed. ‘You’re not going to like this right now, but I think that you should talk to him’. ‘You’re right. I don’t like it’ I grunted. Of course, I knew he was right but I wasn’t sure what I would do if I confronted Minseok with it or what he would do to be quite frank. I took a deep sigh and Chanyeol patted my back in support. We made our way back to the practice room. A few of the members including Minseok were watching videos on the screen in the back of the room. I cleared my throat ‘ehm, Minseok, could I ehr... have a word with you outside’. All the other members looked at me in confusion. He gave a small nod and followed me out the room. I felt my anger rise with every step we took. I made sure to be away from the door to stay clear from the prying eyes of the other members. Even though I knew Chanyeol would probably be working his ass off to keep them away from the door completely.

‘So, what’s been up your ass that makes you such a pain today?’ Minseok laughingly commented. Which made me feel even more angry than I did before. I turned around furiously and stopped Minseok in his tracks. ‘I’m pretty sure you’re aware of the thing that made me such a pain’ I searched his face for realisation of the situation but his expression was blank. ‘I have no idea what you’re on about, Baek’ he finally said. I was fuming now. Did he feel no guilt towards to situation? Was he really my best friend? What kind of best friend makes out with their girlfriend and doesn’t know about it? ‘Y/N!’ I shouted, the anger taking over now. ‘Oh, that’ his voice was suddenly very small. ‘Yes, that. What kind of best friend are you? Kissing my girlfriend in my own house’. Minseok was silent. ‘Say something, you prick’ I shouted again and I saw Minseok flinch slightly ‘I… Don’t know what to say, Baek’. ‘Stop calling me that. You don’t deserve to call me that’ I hissed. ‘I’ve had feelings for Y/N ever since we met and I think, I just couldn’t stop myself. I had to try’ before I really realised what I was doing I bawled my hand into a fist and swung at Minseok’s face. I hit his cheek hard, so hard that my own hand hurt probably as much as his cheek. Minseok’s face changed in a split second. Instead of the apologetic look that painted his face before an unknown look, which I guessed was anger, was on his face now. I felt a fist come in contact with my own face. Right on my nose and lips. The salty taste of blood filled my mouth. Before I could fling myself at Minseok again a pair of arms found their way around my middle and pulled me away. ‘Let me go Chanyeol, I need to teach that asshole a lesson’ I screamed while violently trying to break free from his embrace. ‘Don’t be an idiot Baek, He’s stronger than all of us, you’ll never win’ Chanyeol whispered in my ear. It was a completely unnecessary move but it threw me off enough to calm me down. When we arrived at the other side of the hallway Chanyeol finally let me go. I hit him on the arm ‘You should’ve let me handle that’ I protested. Chanyeol said nothing but shot me a knowing look. I sighed in frustration and made my way to the practice room. I walked in aggressively and grabbed my stuff. On my way out, I noticed Isobel sitting there a look of horror on her face. I looked up in the mirror and saw the blood that was covering my lips and chin.


	7. Saved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be a lot more explicit! I will try and finish it today so I can upload that one tomorrow!
> 
> Enjoy <3

I wiped my face with my sleeve, getting most of the blood off. ‘Are you okay?’ Isobel asked, a slight quiver present in her voice. ‘Not really’ I admitted ‘my life is a bit of a mess right now to be honest’ I tried to smile but it wasn’t real so my face fell quickly. Isobel slowly made her way towards me, as if I was a ticking time bomb about to go off. She pulled a tissue from her back pocket and started cleaning my face. ‘My girlfriend cheated on me with Minseok, so I hit him and he hit back, and well he’s stronger…’ I winched slightly when she touched my lip with her gentle fingers. ‘Sorry’ she muttered. She didn’t meet my eyes while her soft hands continued to clean my face. It was a nice feeling after a day filled with both emotional and physical pain. ‘I know this is probably the most inappropriate thing to suggest, but if you need a place to stay, my couch is not too bad’ she mused when she finished cleaning my face. ‘You need to put some ointment on that, to prevent scarring’. She continued giving me no time to really think about her proposal. ‘Okay’ I heard myself say. I was probably a bad idea to go home with her but the kindness she had shown me, regardless of how I had treated her in the past, was refreshing. She packed her bag and we left the room. I shot a quick glance over at the other members who were all surrounding Minseok. I huffed sarcastically of course they cared more about him than me. Some friends they are. Chanyeol looked my way and our eyes briefly met. He shot me a confused look when I threw my arm around Isobel and walked the other way. Isobel and I walked towards her car. It was a small bright red Toyota. The two of us barely fit in the car but it worked and everything seemed better than returning home to Y/N now. The temperature in the car started to get more comfortable and I realised I was dozing off a bit. Being in a state in between sleeping and being awake. A soft slumber where my mind would run its own course. Naturally it drifted to Y/N her smiles, her laughs, her wonderfully intoxicating kisses that always kept me longing for more. Yet the pace of the slumber changed, her smiles and kisses were no longer for me but for the person I used to call my best friend. He would get to embrace her lovely figure and kiss her soft lips. I was just left out. Forced to watch from a distance as their romance blossomed a soft voice in the back of his mind saying; ‘I can’t believe I was ever with Baekhyun, you’re so much better… so much better to me, Minseok’ I shot up and my eyes shot open. My heartbeat had tripled in pace. I then remembered what had happened and that I had gotten into Isobel’s car. ‘You okay there, pal?’ Isobel questioned never taking her eyes off the road. I cleared my throat ‘Yeah, uh just a hypnic jerk’ I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my deepest fears with Isobel yet.

A few minutes later they arrived at Isobel’s apartment. It was a small apartment. The doors to the bedroom and bathroom were all visible from the open plan kitchen that looked out over the living room. A leather sofa was crammed into the tiny space. Isobel disappeared into the bedroom and I took the opportunity to try and call Y/N. Even though she ripped my heart up we still shared a house and I stupidly still cared if she was okay. After a few rings, the phone went to her voicemail.

_‘Hey, this is Y/N. I’m probably busy right now but if you need me leave a message and I’ll call you back’._ A soft giggle was audible, on the tape, right at the end of it. I smiled at the memory. I remembered her recording that moment very well. I was there trying to tease her a little. Not just teasing I tried to get her to have sex with me while she was recording the message. She gave in finally and we had mind blowing sex that night. I dialled a few more times, each time being answered with the voicemail. I sighed in frustration and was about to throw my phone through the room when Isobel emerged from the bedroom with blankets and a pillow. ‘Thank you’ I tried to smile but my face was still very sore so it turned into a grimace. She smiled and threw the materials on the couch and motioned for me to help her out. We made the make-shift bed together. ‘I’m sorry I’ve been so awful towards you before. I promise I’ll do better from now on’. She moved closer to me and pulled out a tube of ointment from her pocket and started applying some on my lip. I was hyper aware now how close we were to each other, I could smell her cheap perfume, making a mental not to give her a more expensive one for Christmas. I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. I glanced at the screen and saw that it was Y/N. I felt the wave of hurt crash over me again. Who was she to think that I would answer her after she ignored me the whole time. I placed the phone in my back pocket and chose to ignore it. I returned my attention to Isobel who was staring at me in confusion. A sudden urge washed over me and I couldn’t stop myself. I cupped Isobel’s small face into my hands and brought our faces closer together. I softly placed my lips onto hers so I wouldn’t mess up the ointment on my lip. Isobel eagerly replied in the kiss softly biting my lip making me winch back a little. Isobel, however, was holding me so tightly that we tripped and fell backwards on the couch. Luckily my phone stopped vibrating because I couldn’t be sure of my actions when it would’ve vibrated through my body. I laughed a little ‘I would have never taken you for someone who bites while kissing. You’re kinkier than we give you credit for’ she smiled shyly ‘Sorry, I had forgotten about your lip, I guess I got a little carried away’. ‘That you did’ I cooed. It seemed like I had just realised what I was doing and when Isobel moved in to kiss me again I softly held her back. ‘I’m sorry, I can’t do this to you’ I started. Her doe-like eyes moved up to meet mine. A ripple of confusion crossed her face. ‘Oh’ was all she said. I felt the need to explain ‘It’s not you, but if I were to kiss you again now I would only be doing it to get back at my girlfriend…… ex-girlfriend, and you don’t deserve that’ I stood up from the couch and grabbed my bag again. ‘I’m really sorry. I think I’m just going to go sleep at Chanyeol’s’ I announced and left her apartment abruptly leaving her speechless on the sofa. I grabbed my phone from my back pocket and called Chanyeol. He picked up on the second ring ‘Hey dude, what’s up?’ he sounded chipper like always ‘Hey, can I crash at your place tonight?’ I asked a little hesitantly. A silence fell on the other side of the line. ‘I thought you went home with that little toy of a PA’ he finally remarked. ‘She’s not a toy Chanyeol, and I realise now that that might have been a mistake. Come on dude, you’re not going to let your friend sleep outside, right?’ a soft humming emerged on the line ‘Tempting, but nah. I’m too good of a person for that. You can sleep on the couch, you have to be quiet though because my sister is in town and she has something important tomorrow’ he mentioned absentmindedly. ‘No problem dude, I won’t make a sound. Thanks man’ I let out a sigh of relieve. I couldn’t go back home, especially not after I kissed Isobel. Y/N knows when I lie, it’s like she’s a walking lie detector. So, home wasn’t an option. ‘Don’t mention it man, see you in a bit’ Chanyeol said and hung up. Chanyeol saved the day once again.


	8. Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very smutty explicit chapter that is waaaaaaay longer than I intended. So Enjoy this little gift

****

**Y/N POV**

I dropped my tired body on the couch. 85 minutes was what it took to walk from the park to my own goddamn house. Sure, Baekhyun had every right to be angry at me but to leave me alone in the park to get myself home was a low move. I felt too guilty to call him about it and scold him for it. He needed his space and even though I wanted to beg him to stay with me and forgive me for all my stupid mistakes, I realised that by doing that I would only push him further away. So, I tried putting my anxiety about our relationship on the back burner and tried to distract myself. I poured myself a glass of wine, put on my favourite playlist loudly and started cleaning the house. Cleaning is something I do when I feel stressed. Like I can clear the mess in my head by cleaning the mess in my house. It was nearing midnight when I heard a demanding knock on the door. Thinking it must have been Baekhyun I rushed to the door and opened it. It wasn’t Baekhyun. It was Minseok. His face was bruised and the wound on his lip looked fresh. ‘What happened to you?’ I asked worriedly and motioned him to come inside. I sat him on the couch and hurried to the kitchen to grab an ice pack and a cloth. When I returned Minseok was in the exact same pose he was in when I left. He seemed frozen in place, which worried me even more. I softly placed one of my hands on the unaffected cheek and put the cloth with ice pack against the bruised one. He winced and his eyes shot to mine. As well as I could read Baekhyun, I was unable to read Minseok at all. He seemed frightened at my touch but made no move to change our position. His eyes moved around the room as if he was trying to find the courage to say something. ‘Who did this to you?’ I softly whispered, breaking the silence between us. ‘Baek’ was his reply, his voice coloured with guilt. My eyes grew wide in horror, I had never seen Baekhyun punch someone before. ‘I guess he found out’ he mused his eyes returning to meet mine. ‘Yeah, I told him’ I confessed. This time it was Minseok’s eyes that grew wider. ‘I had to Min, we tell each other everything, it was killing me to keep it from him’. Minseok suddenly moved away from me. ‘I’m sorry he hurt you like this’ I sighed after a while. ‘I’m in love with you’ his voice was a soft whisper, barely audible but I heard him loud and clear. ‘You what?’. The silence between us was deafening. I suddenly felt very uncomfortable and suffocating in our spacious living room. I grabbed my empty wine glass and made my way to the kitchen.

I found my phone lying on the counter signalling missed calls. I unlocked the screen and saw the missed calls were from Baekhyun. Maybe he wanted to talk about it after all, maybe he wanted to come home but wasn’t sure if it was okay to do so. I called back immediately, waiting impatiently for him to pick up. After the third or fourth ring the call got connected but I could only hear muffled sounds. I recognised Baekhyun’s honey voice through it and something that seemed like a woman’s voice. Who could that be at this hour. Suddenly the sound got a bit clearer ‘You’re kinkier than we give you credit for’ that was unmistakably Baekhyun’s voice. A lump formed in my throat. Was he doing what I think he was doing? ‘Sorry, I had forgotten about your lip, I guess I got a little carried away’ the woman’s voice sounded familiar but I couldn’t quite place who it belonged to. ‘That you did’ Baekhyun’s velvety voice replied. Tears were streaming down my face. Baekhyun was revenge-cheating on me? I made my way back into the living room with a full glass of wine. I sat myself next to Minseok without saying a word. Still dumbfounded by what just happened. ‘I’m really sorry Y/N’ Minseok mumbled. I turned my head to look at him. He was still holding the ice-pack diligently to his face. I grabbed the ice-pack and placed in on the table. I softly stroked his sore cheek and cupped his face with my warm hands. He closed his eyes at the gesture softly humming. I placed my lips on his. It was a move I hadn’t anticipated on making but if Baekhyun can do it, so can I. Our lips moved against each other softly and slowly, neither of us feeling the need to deepen it. I let my hands move to the back of Minseok’s neck and into his hair. This elicited a low grow from him and his kisses grew needier. His hands found their way to my waist and slowly started roaming my body, making me moan in to the kiss. Minseok used this opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. Our tongues danced in our mouths and our touches grew needier. After a while Minseok broke our kiss to catch his breath ‘What about Baekhyun?’ he panted. Remembering the phone conversation my next move was made without guilt. ‘Screw him’ I snorted and hungrily attached our lips again. I moved my leg over Minseok’s, now cradling his lap without breaking our kiss. I started grinding on his lap eliciting more groans from him. ‘Please, Y/N, stop. I don’t know what I’ll do if you continue moving like that’ he finally muttered. His erection clearly visible in his tight trousers. I cupped his member through his trousers and squeezed a bit making him moan out loud ‘Well, why don’t you show me.’ A frown formed on Minseok’s face ‘Y/N, I can’t do this to Baek. Not again. Look what he did to my face’ his voice was pleading but I knew something Minseok didn’t. Baekhyun was cheating with someone else right at this moment. I nibbled on Minseok’s ear. ‘It’s okay Min, Baek is probably humping the women I heard him with on the phone’. Minseok’s eyes shot open. They were filled with lust and it must have taken every ounce of his self-control not to devour me. ‘He what?’ he growled. ‘I heard him kiss some woman on the phone and talk about her being kinky, so I guess he’s revenge-cheating’ Minseok’s whole body tensed ‘That Punk. How can he do that to you’ he growled. ‘Let’s stop talking about him and just kiss me Minseok, I know you want to’. I moved my hips once more to grind over him making him moan. I wasn’t usually one to be demanding. If anything, I was quite vanilla when it came to sex but Minseok unleashed something in me that, in combination with the hurt and anger I felt towards Baekhyun cheating, made me incredibly horny and demanding. Minseok’s hands found my ass and squeezed them lightly making me moan into the kiss. In one smooth move Minseok lifted the both of us from the couch and made his way to the bedroom with me in his arms.

Once in the bedroom he dropped me on the bed. I bounced a little. A small voice in my mind was trying to withhold me from the action I was about to take. Drawing me back to the countless times Baekhyun and I had sex in this bed. Looking at Minseok’s hooded eyes I waved the voice away. We were beyond the point of no return and I wanted him. ‘Off’ he demanded pointing at my clothes. I rid myself of my shirt and bra quickly but had no chance to remove my own trousers as Minseok was already on me with his hands. He had rid himself of his shirt and trouser in a matter of seconds. I admired his chiselled chest. Letting my hands roam the toned muscles. Minseok placed a finger under my chin and forced me to look up at him. ‘God you’re so beautiful’ he mused before kissing my lips. He continued to place kisses along my jaw and in my neck. ‘Let me help you with those’ he said while hooking his slender fingers under the waistband of my trousers. His hot breath tingled against my skin before I felt soft kisses being place on the inside of my thighs. ‘Minseok, stop teasing, I need you’ I growled my impatience taking over. I felt the hot breath of his chuckle on my core. ‘So impatient’ he muttered as he drew his cool fingers over my folds. My back arched off the mattress ‘Oh god yes’ I squealed. ‘God Y/N, you’re so wet. Who made you this wet?’ Minseok urged ‘You… you did Minseok’ he proceeded by placing his lips around my clit and slowly started drawing circles with his tongue. It was like all reason had left my body. The room was filled with my moans and the slick sounds of Minseok’s fingers moving in and out of me. Baekhyun was great in bed but not a fan of giving oral sex. In contrast, he was very happy to be on the receiving end of it. It was like Minseok knew exactly which buttons to press to get me screaming his name. After a few minutes of moaning and screaming Minseok’s name with every nibble on my clit and movement in my pussy I felt the familiar build of an orgasm. ‘Minseok, I’m…’ with that Minseok ceased every movement and pulled his fingers out of me. I whined at the loss of contact ‘Not yet, babe. I want you to feel everything’ Minseok vowed placing soft pecks on my lips. I massaged his hard member through his boxers. Minseok groaned against my lips. ‘Let me’ I mused while turning us around and pushing Minseok back on the bed. He held himself up with his elbows while I placed kisses all over his chest. Paying special attention to his nipples. Baekhyun was very sensitive in his nipples. Just a soft blow on the skin was enough to have him begging under me. Minseok was different. He wasn’t as sensitive in that area as Baekhyun so I moved on quickly. I hooked my fingers under the band of his boxers and slowly pulled them down. His member was hard and pulsing and small glint of pre-cum decorated the tip. I placed a few butterfly kisses on his shaft earning an angry grumble. ‘Just get on with it Y/N before I have to destroy you’ I smiled wickedly at the thought and softly licked the tip before taking him in my mouth completely. ‘Oh god, that feels amazing’ Minseok mused his eyes briefly rolling back into his head at the pleasure of it. I bobbed my head up and down. Never keeping a real rhythm and always making sure to have different strengths in suction. I could see it was driving him crazy. Throwing his head back in pleasure and his mouth half open chanting my name like a mantra.

It became a challenge for me to drive him more and more crazy with every move. So, I tried something I had never tried before. I slowly and softly grazed my teeth along the length of his shaft. In a split second Minseok had lifted me up under my armpits and threw me around on the bed. His body was now hovering over mine completely. His eyes wide and full of lust forcing me to look at him. ‘What was that?’ He demanded. I smiled shyly ‘just something new I wanted to try’ I whimpered. ‘God, you almost made me explode in your mouth’ He continued placing kisses all over my face. ‘If I had known you were this good I would’ve tried to steal you away sooner’ he joked. A wave of guilt washed over you again. A kiss between me and Minseok was what caused the whole problem in the first place. Then I remembered that Baekhyun was probably pleasing the woman he was with just as much as I was pleasing Minseok. ‘Just get on with it, Min’ I growled. He quickly opened the bedside drawer and found what he was looking for quickly. Unwrapping the pack with his teeth he quickly placed the condom on his pulsating member and threw the pack on the floor. He lined himself in front of my soaked pussy and waited. His eyes found mine and he placed soft pecks on my lips. ‘You ready?’ he whispered softly against my lips. I just nodded and with that he slid into me. It was a completely different feeling than having sex with Baekhyun. Usually Baekhyun was riled up so much that he just humped me like a horny rabbit chasing his own release more than mine. Minseok took his time. Slowly moving in and out of me. Constantly asking if what he did was okay. I replied to this by meeting his thrusts half way indicating to him to pick up speed. ‘I just want you to enjoy this just as much as I am’ he mused. ‘I am now, faster’ I replied unable to keep the impatience from my voice. With that Minseok flipped me over so I was facing the mattress. He roughly pulled my ass up to meet his member and thrusts into me violently. ‘Faster, huh?’ he whispered in my ear, his voice low and sultry sending a shiver down my spine. Minseok let his hands roam my back before moving one down to stimulate my clit. My hips bucked up to meet his and Minseok started to thrust into me at astonishing speed, never letting his other hand move from my clit. Nothing but moans, skin against skin and the soft calling of names filled the room. It wasn’t long before I started seeing sparks and felt the build of my orgasm again. ‘Minseok, I’m going to come’ I squealed. ‘Come for me baby’ he demanded and with that I felt everything in my body tense up and my knees buckled. Minseok held me up desperately chasing his own release. After a few rough thrusts, I felt him tense up and release his seed into the condom. He kept himself inside me slowly riding out his own orgasm. When he removed his now flaccid member from me. He let go of me softly and my knees gave in. I lay face-first on the mattress heavily panting from our activities. Minseok threw the condom away and let himself fall backwards next to me on the bed. He was also heavily panting. The sweat still glistening on his forehead. He lifted me from the bed and pulled me into his embrace before placing the blankets over me. With my head on his chest he started humming a soft lullaby while playing with my hair ‘sleep’ he suggested, and with his soft humming against my cheek and gentle caressing on my scalp, I quickly fell into a deep slumber.


	9. Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was so hard to write this scene. I hate hurting Beakhyun.

**Baekhyun’s POV**

I walked into the offices, hyper aware of the fact that I could run into Y/N any minute. She works here too and she works a lot, it’s inevitable that we will run into each other. I’m not sure how ready I am for the confrontation of seeing her. Would she be happy without me? Is she with Minseok now? I haven’t spoken to him since we fell out. I touched my lip at the painful memory. I dared to glance at Y/N’s desk to see if she was working. A small figure was seated at the desk. Hair in a messy bun and hunched over the paperwork on the desk. Had she lost weight? ‘Is that Y/N?’ I asked Isobel who was walking next to me. She nodded ‘I don’t know what’s with her but she’s been a royal pain in the ass lately’ Isobel noted and demonstratively placed her hand on my shoulder as if she was going to whisper something secretive to me. In a reflex, I moved my body closer to meet her tiny figure. At that moment Y/N turned around. Her eyes met mine and grew wider. A flash of anger crossed her face and dare I say, jealousy? Y/N was jealous because Isobel was so close to me? She has never been the jealous type but I recognised the look immediately. An idea shot through my mind: ‘What if I test her a little, make her feel just a fraction of what she made me feel when she told me about Minseok’. I wouldn’t let anything happen between Isobel and myself, just pretend. To rile Y/N up. Only a few people knew about the relationship between Y/N and myself so I could publicly flirt with Isobel without her being able to do anything about it. Or maybe that was just taking it too far? I can’t help but miss Y/N. It hasn’t even been two weeks since that day in the park and I feel like there’s been a big gaping hole in my day. It’s the little things like the way her eyes twinkle when she laughs, or the tiny noises she would make when yawning that were just so incredibly adorable that I just want to kill her with my kisses. Or the fact that I could always find her working at home. She clearly loved her job making it her number one priority. It still worries me still that she clearly would choose her job over her own health. Isobel seems to take our little kiss as a sign that I’m interested in her, since she has been all over me ever since. Today I let her touch me unnecessarily. I let her put her arm around my waist when we’re walking but my attention is on Y/N on her reaction. I made sure to not answer Isobel’s advances as much apart from dramatically throwing my arm around her shoulder when Y/N was watching us. She mostly just sighed and looked the other way. 

Around lunchtime I saw her sitting at her desk and felt an urge to ask her to join us for lunch. However, someone was ahead of me. Minseok walked straight passed me and up to Y/N placing his hand softly on the small of her back, whispering something in her ear. I felt a strange kind of tingling in my hands and bawled them into a fist to get rid of it. ‘You’re not going to punch him again are you?’ Isobel commented dryly, her eyes on my strained hands. I took a deep breath, trying to focus on letting the oxygen fill every inch of my lungs. I breathed out slowly and turned to Isobel with a fake smile. ‘Of course not’ I beamed ‘Why would I waste my time on that’ Isobel didn’t seem convinced by my change in demeanour and cocked an eyebrow at me. ‘I promise, Is, now let’s go have lunch’ I threw an arm around her laughing and turned away from Y/N. ‘So where are we eating, and more importantly, who is paying?’ I joked trying to lighten the mood, mine in particular. ‘Well’ Isobel started, leaving a small silence before continuing. ‘We’ve been invited by the CEO to have lunch with them at La Yeon’ Isobel softly continued. My eyes grew wide with surprise ‘must be some fancy lunch then, I wonder if this is about my solo album’ I wondered out loud. Earning a slap from Isobel ‘The whole of EXO is invited you idiot, not just you. Don’t let it get to your head’. I dramatically clasped the place she hit me and grimaced in fake pain.

We made our way to the restaurant and I felt severely underdressed in my simple blue jeans and white tee. We sat down at the table which was set for twelve. I knew the CEO and Isobel were invited so I wondered who the remaining seat was meant for. My question was answered by a familiar voice that filled the room. My head involuntarily moved towards the sound as if my ears would betray me, they weren’t. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her, despite Isobel’s many attempts to grab my attention for herself. I had let go completely of trying to make her jealous with Isobel. How could Isobel even compare to Y/N. When she neared the table I automatically stood up. She watched me with confusion. Her eyes were tired and her fragile body seemed tense. ‘Y/N’ I announced while nodding and sitting back down. ‘Baekhyun’ the mention of my name on her lips sounded magical. I smiled slightly at the sound of it. A dark-haired figure also came up to the table. Minseok, we hadn’t spoken since our little fall out. He placed his hand gently on Y/N’s lower back and lead her to her chair. A small gesture that would have gone unnoticed by most people but not to me. I felt a lump form in my throat again. Isobel was all over me again, clearly sensing the threat of Y/N. I tried searching for Y/N’s eyes, if they would tell me anything about their relationship. They only shot a disapproving look towards Isobel before sitting down next to Minseok and opposite us. I had lost my appetite completely at the sight of Y/N with Minseok. They seem to converse such ease, without any constraints. The lunch continued without anyone really noticing the awkwardness between Y/N and myself, apart from our respective neighbours who did everything to show their dominance over each other in flirting. It was almost comical as if Isobel and Minseok were trying to make each other jealous instead of Y/N and myself using them to make each other jealous. When Minseok started feeding Y/N I had to excuse myself and walk away from the scene. Slapping Isobel’s hands off of me in the process. How can I be so stupid and lie to myself? I didn’t really want to make Y/N jealous. I just want her back. I miss her.

Being out of sight from the group I let the feelings wash over me, making me bend over and dry heave with my hands on my knees. I cursed myself for letting the situation affect me so much. Yet knowing about it and seeing it with your own eyes is a completely different thing. ‘Baekhyun’ a soft voice made me turn around. It was Y/N. ‘Are you okay?’ she asked. I hated how much I enjoyed hearing the concern in her voice. I strode over to her in just a few steps and placed her face in my hands. I kissed her softly but she didn’t seem to respond to my kisses. I placed my forehead against hers and sighed. ‘I think we should break up, Baek’ her voice was soft, almost friendly, but the words cut deep into me. ‘Break up?’ I repeated. Her eyes finally met mine and I could see they were filled with tears and doubt. I dropped my hands from her face and took a step back, my back now against the wall. ‘Is it Minseok? Is it because you are with him now’ a flash of guilt crossed her face. ‘Baekhyun, that has nothing to do with us’. I could hear the quiver in her voice clearly. ‘Besides’ she sniffled ‘You seem to have found someone else yourself quite quickly too’. She wiped her eyes dry and cleared her throat before walking off, back to the group. I let myself slide to the floor. Break up. It sounded so final, almost deadly. It was crystal clear to me that I was definitely not over her. I wondered briefly if I would ever be. I returned to the table apologising for taking so long, using my weak digestive system as an excuse. Most people seemed to buy it. Apart from Chanyeol who shot me a concerned look. I faked a smile and tried to ease his mind with it. Isobel didn’t seem to notice my changed mood and was all over me the second I returned. I let her. Feeling too numb to really care about the image it would send to others. Back in the offices Chanyeol took me apart in one of the smaller practice rooms. He didn’t say anything. He just pulled me close into him and wrapped his long arm around me. ‘She broke up with me Chan’ I mumbled my voice cracking at the end. He didn’t say a word. He just rubbed my back in comfort while I stained his shirt with fresh tears.


	10. Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another filthy one. Enjoy you pervs ;)

Baekhyun’s POV

Spending the past few weeks at Chanyeol’s has been refreshing and familiar. We spend our trainee days in the same dorms and moving in with him again felt like old times. I had missed how much of a great friend Chanyeol had been to me over the years. Now that we were living in such close proximity I realised that he’s always been a stable factor within my life. Even more convenient was that our schedules were almost identical. Which meant we could both have fun in our spare time. Which usually meant gaming. When I was with Y/N I didn’t game much. Not because she didn’t like it, as a matter of fact she loved gaming and often beat my ass at multiplayer games. No, it was more because I had better things to do with Y/N in my spare time. Today Chanyeol and I both had a day off. After ordering our breakfast because we were both too lazy to cook we started a new game of Overwatch. It was late in the afternoon when Chanyeol threw the controller on the floor in frustration. After the last two matches that we both lost because of me, Chanyeol gave me an ultimatum. ‘If you don’t step up your game and stop making us lose, you need to cook dinner in just an apron’ I laughed at the dare. ‘Ha like that would even be a punishment’ I joked back. ‘I mean it Baek, you’re killing my streak’ Chanyeol continued eyes focussed on the screen as he put in the new settings. ‘Uhg fine. I’ll try and do better’. We started the game and for most of the game it seemed like we were finally winning. We only lost a few members of our team and were killing the other team left and right. I came up with a strategy to lure the other team into a separate part and kill them all off. What I hadn’t realised was that the other team could see our location on the map just like we could see them walking into our ‘trap’ this resulting in our team being completely killed off by the few members of the other team left. This time it was me who threw the controller away in frustration. ‘Ahhhrrgg we were so close to winning goddamn’ I shouted at the screen. Chanyeol on the other hand was grinning widely. ‘Why are you laughing? We lost!’ I snarled. ‘I know we lost, which means you’re making dinner wearing just an apron’ he looked very pleased with himself. I rolled my eyes and groaned. ‘Are you really going to make me do that?’ I whined. ‘You bet ya’ he replied walking towards his closet to get me the apron. ‘There you go’ I sighed in defeat and grabbed the apron. I undressed until I was left with just my pants and tied the apron on and made my way to the kitchen. I rummaged through the cupboards looking for something decent to cook. 

Once I got all the elements to make a decent lasagne I started cooking. Chanyeol walked into the kitchen giggling. ‘Looking good Baek’ he laughed pointing his phone camera to me. ‘Yah! Stop filming me, this is embarrassing enough as is’ I shouted at Chanyeol who gave no reaction to my plea. ‘Hey Baek, you forgot a piece’ Chanyeol cackled. ‘Chanyeol, I’m not taking my boxers off’ Chanyeol’s expression suddenly changed. ‘A deal is a deal dude. You made us lose AGAIN. So, take it off or I’ll send Kyungsoo after you next time’ I pondered over the options for a second but decided to take my pants off after all. Kyungsoo scared me way too much to risk that. I saw Chanyeol lick his lips at the action. ‘Don’t make it weird Chan’ I pleaded turning my attention back to the task at hand. ‘Please don’t film my ass and send it to everyone’ I softly mumbled, suddenly feeling very embarrassed. ‘I’ve stopped filming’ Chanyeol announced. ‘Then stop staring at my ass, you’re making me self-conscious’ I muttered trying to focus on cutting the vegetables right. There was no response from Chanyeol. After a few minutes I assumed his attention span would’ve run short and he was back to doing something else now. I continued my task of cooking, trying to forget how ridiculous I probably looked. After half an hour, I put the last layer on the lasagne and bent to place it in the oven. I was closing the over door when a large figure suddenly hovered above me. I was about to comment when I felt two large hands grab my butt cheeks and squeeze them. ‘Oh my god Chanyeol, what are you doing’ I couldn’t understand the feeling that suddenly rushed through my body and towards my groin. ‘They just looked too good not to grab’ Chanyeol’s low voice acknowledged, pushing his large frame into the back of my body. ‘I must admit Baek, my self-control has been impeccable over the past years, but looking at you bend down like that has me weak’. With every word Chanyeol whispered in my ear I felt a jolt shot towards my groin and I was already half hard at just his words. Chanyeol’s hands started to roam my body. Starting at my neck with untying the top of the apron and slowly moving towards my waist and rid me of the apron completely. My breathing became more laboured. Why was this effecting me so much? I couldn’t answer the question, not even in my head because I lost every ounce of self-control when Chanyeol’s lips attacked my neck with kisses. I bucked my hips back into his, eliciting a low groan which send a jolt straight to my dick. Chanyeol’s large hands moved towards my thighs and slowly made their way up. His lips never leaving my neck. I was completely hard now without even being touched where I needed it most. Finally, Chanyeol placed one of his hands around my member and started pumping it roughly. I couldn’t stop the moans leaving my mouth. ‘Chan…’ I panted ‘Please, don’t stop’ I felt Chanyeol smirk against my skin ‘You have no idea how long I have longed for you to say that to me’. He turned us around and started kissing me feverishly. ‘God Baek, you’re so sexy and you don’t even realise it’ Chanyeol grunted to me and dragged me with him to his bedroom. I suddenly became aware of the situation we were in and wanted to back out. ‘Chanyeol. I’m… I’ve never done this before’. It wasn’t the phrase I wanted to say. I wanted to say that I didn’t want to have sex with a boy, because I was definitely not gay, but my body was telling me otherwise. My body showed me that I in fact did want to have sex with a boy, and that boy was Chanyeol. His eyes were dark with lust which turned me on even more. ‘Don’t worry Baek, I’ll be gentle’ he cooed and grabbed a bottle of lube from a drawer and put it on his bedside table. We had been sharing the bed before today but not like this. I would often find Chanyeol’s limbs entangled in mine in the morning but I didn’t pay any attention to that. 

Chanyeol sat on the bed and patted the space behind him. ‘I’ll show you a completely different world and you’ll never want to return after I’m done’ it was supposed to be sweet. I knew that but it turned me on beyond belief. I moved towards the bed hyper aware of my nakedness next to his fully clothed stage. I pointed to his clothes ‘A bit unfair, this, don’t you think?’ I muttered softly. Almost afraid to take initiative in this situation. I could barely keep track of what was happening. Was I actually about to have sex with one of my best friends? Who was also a guy. Sexuality had never been an issue before. I was sexually attracted to girls most of the time and thus no questions were asked. Yet now a whole new array of questions began to cloud my mind. When Chanyeol removed his shirt and I got a full view of his toned muscles a hungry groan escaped my body. Chanyeol grinned in victory at this. He grabbed my wrist and sat me down on the bed. Which made me level with Chanyeol’s groin ‘Help a brother out’ he teased pointing at his trousers. I softly placed both my hands on his hips. I moved my hands to unbuckle his belt and realised my hands were shivering a bit. After fumbling with his belt, I was finally able to undo it and his trousers. I slowly pulled them down so they formed a pool on the floor beneath him. I briefly looked up at Chanyeol who stared at me intensely. ‘Suck it’ he demanded. ‘But I never…’ I started ‘Just do it. Think of what you like and do that to me’ there was a clear dominance in his voice which coaxed me into submissiveness. I palmed him through his boxers before undoing him of his pants. This elicited a moan from him which I took as a sign to continue. Thinking about what Y/N would do when she would go down on me, I applied those same elements on Chanyeol. I started by licking him up and down his shaft. Placing little butterfly kisses on it next. His member was hard and leaking pre-cum which I seductively started to lick up before taking his member into my mouth completely. My eyes shooting up to meet Chanyeol’s who threw his head back in ecstasy. I placed my hands on Chanyeol’s ass and started to massage his cheeks while slowly bobbing my head up and down his shaft. Occasionally letting my tongue swirl around the tip. Chanyeol’s moans became more incoherent which probably meant I was doing something right. I slowly pushed one of my fingers towards the rim of Chanyeol’s ass. This made him buck his hips forward and push his member fully into my mouth, almost making me gag. He stepped back a little letting me breathe before he forced me up with his fingers on my chin. ‘And what do you think you were doing, princess’ he demanded ‘Princess?’ I asked in confusion. ‘You’ve been a naughty little princess, I’m the one making such bold moves here’ he roughly turned me around and bend me over so my upper body was on the bed and my ass was sticking out. He dropped to his knees and placed his face near my ass. ‘Chan, wh.. what are you doing?’ I whimpered my own member being fully hard and leaking. He slowly spread my ass cheeks and placed his mouth on my rim and started attacking my hole with his warm and skilled tongue. My knees became weak under his touch ‘Oh my god, don’t stop’ I almost screamed. Biting my lip hard to prevent me from screaming his name. He hummed in response sending the vibrations straight to my already leaking member. With a smacking sound, he released his mouth from my ass and replaced it with one of his fingers. Fingering my rim slowly but surely. Chanyeol got up but his finger never left my ass and he kept moving it up and down slowly. He placed another finger in without warning making me gasp loudly. ‘You’re doing wonderfully princess’ he cooed while scissoring me open. His other hand grabbed the lube from his bedside table. His fingers left my hole temporarily and I whined at the loss of contact. ‘Patience, princess’ Chanyeol comforted while smearing lube on his fingers and placing them back at my rim. This time they slid in with more ease. He added one more finger making me moan loudly. Without warning he added a fourth and moved his fingers to stretch me even more. I bucked my hips back meeting his fingers. Another whine left my mouth when his fingers left me again. ‘Chanyeol’. He chuckled and hovered his whole body over me lifting me up on the bed completely but not turning me around. He placed soft kisses on my shoulders and back taking his time. I moved my hips backwards in the hopes of getting the much-wanted friction. However, I was met with a sharp slap on my ass making me yelp in pain. ‘Bad princess, I didn’t tell you to move now did I?’ Chanyeol growled. I swallowed hard trying to get rid of the sting of tears in my eyes ‘No you didn’t’. Chanyeol suddenly grabbed my throbbing member and squeezed it hard making me moan his name. ‘Now, why don’t you tell me why you’ve been such a bad boy lately’ he challenged while aligning himself at my hole. ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about, Chanyeol…. AH’ I panted. He roughly thrust himself into me sending a wave of both pain and pleasure through me. He waited a while, letting me adjust before moving out again. ‘You don’t? You have no idea what you were doing with that little toy of a PA of yours?’ He grumbled roughly thrusting in and out of me again. ‘I was only trying to make Y/N jealous’ I lamented. 

Chanyeol responded to this by both thrusting roughly into me and pumping my own shaft vigorously. ‘Ah! Chanyeol!’ I screamed, unable to keep quiet any longer. This must have been the best sex I’ve ever experienced. I feel like I can’t even stand on my own two legs anymore and I haven’t even come yet. ‘I’m sorry Chanyeol. Please let me come’. Chanyeol pumped my member a few times more but let go of it then. He grabbed the side of my hips roughly and started thrusting into me passionately. Chasing his own release. I could feel him getting close when his thrusts got sloppier and less controlled. I grabbed my own member and started pumping it at the same pace as Chanyeol’s thrusts. Chanyeol slapped my hand away. ‘Please’ I whimpered dizzy from being denied my own release. With that Chanyeol started pumping my own member mercilessly while also thrusting into my prostate repeatedly, making me spill my cum all over the sheets in a few pumps. He kept pumping me dry and soon I was shivering under him from overstimulation. This seemed to stimulate him enough to release his load with a low grunt inside of me. He let go of my hips and I fell into my own bodily fluids, unable to keep my body upright. Chanyeol left the room quickly and I felt my eyes grow heavy. Never before had I felt this satisfied after sex. Chanyeol came back with a warm cloth and lifted me into his lap and softly rid me of my own cum with the soft fabric. He threw the blankets on the floor and carried me towards the top of the bed. Softly he put me down with my head on one of the pillows and went to change the sheets he threw off. Once he placed the clean sheets back on the bed he joined me in it. Scooting closer to me and throwing his arm around my waist and pulling me even closer to him. He placed a few kisses in the nape of my neck. He also mumbled something which I didn’t catch before drifting off into a dreamless sleep.


	11. Confidence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I briefly touch upon the subject of Jonghyun's death. The time frame however is different in this story than it is in real life. I hope you can still enjoy the chapter (:

I usually stayed clear from social media, especially the profiles of the people I was responsible for. I know how toxic some people on the internet can be and how they would do anything to take someone down. Yet getting a notification of Baekhyun uploading a new Instagram post made me curious enough to open the app again. I had seen him around the building a few times but we haven’t actually spoken in a few weeks. The picture was completely black and the description held a lot of text. My heart sank when I read the text. It seemed like he was apologising for a comment he made at a fan sign event. I felt my heart break. Knowing Baekhyun, he would take this personally and would blame himself so much for what had happened and how people took it. I closed the app again in frustration and dialled Baekhyun’s number. No matter what had happened between us, I needed to be there for him in this moment. ‘Y/N’ his voice was raspy and layered with fatigue. He had probably been crying a lot. ‘Baek, are you okay? I just saw your post. Want me to come over and talk about it?’ it stayed silent on the other side of the line. ‘Actually, yes but I’ll come over to you. Have you eaten?’ there was a small flicker of hope audible in his voice. ‘No, I haven’t. You pick your favourite and I’ll see you in a bit’ with this we hung up and I started to rummage around the house a bit. The house didn’t need any cleaning since I was stressed enough without Baekhyun to clean the house with every little bit of spare time I had. I felt nervous suddenly. Was inviting him over a mistake? I had been with Minseok for a while now, secretly of course. Would he be angry if I invited Baekhyun over? A lot has happened between us in a short period of time and he’s had to deal with haters on the internet as well. I felt selfish and guilty for only caring about my own problems for so long.

For some strange reason, I felt incredibly nervous about Baekhyun coming over. I knew rationally that I had no reason to be nervous. We had broken up and he was probably together with that PA bimbo that had been all over him since the first day she started working for him. A soft knock on the door stopped me in my tracks. I glanced around the room, it looked decent enough. I wiped my slightly moist hands on my jeans, taking a deep breath as I made my way towards the door. I opened with a smile but soon let it drop when I looked at the state of Baekhyun. His eyes were sunken in and dark circles were colouring his face. His eyes were blood shot and puffy. He had dyed his hair black which usually looked good on him but now it made him look even more fragile. I moved away from the door silently giving him space to walk inside. After he threw his coat on the chair, he flopped himself on the couch while I took the food and walked to the kitchen to pour us both a glass of something strong. I didn’t care that it was just midday. We both needed it in this situation. I placed the glass in front of him and he looked at me questionably. I rolled my eyes ‘Just drink Baek, it’ll make you feel better’ I sighed. ‘What happened to the ‘no alcohol before six pm’ rule?’ he muttered half joking. ‘I threw that one out when you didn’t show up back home that day’ I confessed softly. He grimaced slightly at the words ‘I’m sorry about that’ he murmured. I smiled warmly at him, knowing the issues we both had on our plates were not to be handled right now. ‘Tell me about the post Baek’ I quietly demanded, taking a small nip of my beverage. Baekhyun sighed deeply the breath leaving his body in soft shudders. To the public Baekhyun wasn’t always open about his true feelings and often chose to fake a smile rather than dealing with what he felt. In the years we were together, we promised each other that we would never lie to each other about our feelings, come what may. I knew he had been keeping all these emotions to himself all this time. I realised this when I read the post. He tried to professionally deal with the situation but I read the emotion between the lines and knew exactly how deeply affected he was by this.

We sat there in silence for a while, as Baekhyun was collecting the courage to bare his suffering soul to me. ‘It was a fan who told me about her depression’ Baekhyun finally muttered ‘she reminded a little of you when we just met. So, I told her honestly that it scares me that there is such depression in the world when there so many beautiful things in it too. But someone took it out of context and blamed me for not understanding depression. They even…’ his voice cracked. ‘They used Jonghyun against me Y/N’ thick tears were now streaming down his face. My arms automatically reached for him, pulling him closer. He started sobbing into my shoulder and I let his tears stain my clothes. I rubbed his back. ‘They used him against me, they made it seem as if his death meant nothing to me, as if he wasn’t my best friend’ he choked out in between sobs. With this my eyes started to tear up as well. I was right there when Baekhyun lost one of his best friends to suicide. I saw how it broke something in him how his worry for me and my anxiety tripled after that. It was cruel that the media and haters used his death against Baekhyun. I patted my lap motioning for Baekhyun to lay his head down. He moved without a sound his shoulders softly shaking from crying, facing away from me. I let him stain my trousers with his tears as well as I softly caressed his head, softly stroking his hair from his face. ‘You’ll be okay’ I kept muttering through my own tears, like a mantra it filled the room. After a while Baekhyun fragile looking body stopped shaking. I assumed he had fallen asleep but didn’t want to stop comforting him. ‘I’m really sorry this is happening to you, Baek. No matter what has happened to us before, you don’t deserve this. You’re hard working and clearly love your fans…’ I wanted to continue but this whole situation made me choke up. ‘I’m sorry about the mess I’ve made for us, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you Baek’ I finally sobbed. One of his hands hugged my thigh and started rubbing circles on it to comfort me.

After a few minutes of silent crying Baekhyun got up from my lap. He cupped my face into his warm hands and used the bed of his thumb to wipe the tears from my eyes. ‘I’m sorry too’ he mumbled his eyes focussing on his hands. ‘Look at us’ he murmured softly after a while he was still staring, his hands still softly around my cheeks. I chuckled lightly. ‘Yeah, we’re a messed-up bunch’ I joked. He dropped his head on my lap again, this time facing up staring at me. ‘I know this doesn’t fix things Y/N, but thank you for being there for me’ I smiled down at him. ‘Always Baek’ I replied. He smiled shyly his eyes averting from mine. ‘I actually have a small confession to make’ he whispered. ‘Hm?’ I hummed in reply. ‘I think that ehm… how do I put this. I recently found out that I might be bisexual’ I cocked an eyebrow at him. ‘You recently found out?’ a blush crossed his face. ‘Yeah, well ehm I sort of had sex with Chanyeol’ I couldn’t stop the sudden burst of laughter that left my body. Baekhyun shot up with a shocked look on his face. ‘I knew that boy was lurking’ I cackled unable to stop the laughter. Baekhyun still looked utterly confused. ‘Baek, I always knew you were bi, I assumed for the longest time that you were just gay until you started to show a real interest in me… so then I put two and two together’ I stroked his arm in comfort, a habit I had built up over our relationship. I suddenly realised that we weren’t actually in a relationship anymore and that him sleeping with someone else should bother me. It did in a way, but it seemed innocent enough considering Baekhyun’s reaction to it, and the fact that he actually told me. ‘You aren’t mad?’ he finally wondered. ‘Baekhyun, as much as I miss you, we broke up so I don’t control who you do or don’t sleep with anymore’. His face showed glint of sadness. ‘Also, I wouldn’t have the right to be mad, since I’m not completely innocent myself’ I half smiled, hoping my confession wouldn’t spark another burst of anger within him. ‘Minseok?’ he asked and I nodded cautiously. ‘I’m sorry’ I started but Baekhyun held his hand up to stop me ‘Don’t be, like you said we are not together anymore’ there was a short silence between us before Baekhyun asked: ‘How is he?’ I shot him a surprise look, not expecting the slightly inappropriate question. I don’t know why but something about the innocence in his eyes made me decide to be honest with him ‘Underwhelming actually’ this time his eyes filled with surprise ‘Chanyeol?’ I asked in return. He smiled ‘Surprisingly amazing’ a comfortable silence filled the room after as Baekhyun returned his head to my lap and allowed me to stroke his hair. He hummed softly.

After a few minutes like this I suggested we eat the food that Baekhyun had brought. He hummed in approval but made no indication to move. ‘Baek, I sort of need the rest of my body to get the food’ I joked. I saw a devilish grin spread across his face. ‘oh do you now? And what will happen if I do this to trap you?’ He slowly got up and stretched his arms out towards me wiggling his fingers enthusiastically. ‘Oh don’t you fucking dare’ I squealed, I was a tough cookie but tickling was a severe weakness of my body. It would render it completely useless when I was being tickled making it impossible for me to even fight it. The minute someone starts tickling I just turn into this lifeless bag of bones trying my hardest not to pee my pants from laughing. I screamed and ran towards the kitchen away from Baekhyun. He followed me laughing and caught me just before I reached the counter. He tried tickling me for a while, while I was desperately trying to get him away from me so my body wouldn’t collapse. All while both laughing hysterically. Baekhyun’s hands were on my waist when I called a truce. ‘Please, Baek, I can’t breathe’ I begged. We stopped, the only sound filling the kitchen being our pants. When Baekhyun realised his hands were still resting on my waist he quickly pulled them away and walked to the cupboard to get us some plates. I reheated the dishes that had gone cold and divided the different dishes on the two plates. I took two pairs of chopsticks from the drawer and made my way to the living room where Baekhyun was already seated. He had gotten us both a glass of white wine. I had to pinch myself to remind myself that this wasn’t one of the usual ‘date nights’ we had when we were still together. Though I gladly welcomed the warm feeling that came with the nostalgia. Conversation was light during dinner and the alcohol was flowing freely. Even while feeding each other bites of the different dishes, it was never awkward. ‘You have something…’ Baekhyun mumbled, mouth full of food, his eyes fixated on me. ‘Hold still’ he said after he had swallowed the contents of his mouth. With his pinkie finger, he touched the corner of my mouth and put his finger with whatever spilled sauce I had on my face in his own mouth. His eyes never leaving mine. I swallowed hard. I had to admit that simple and small action really turned me on. Baekhyun smiled widely ‘There, all done’ he mused and with that I suddenly remembered exactly why I had chosen Baekhyun over Minseok all those times. I half smiled trying not to let Baekhyun see the crimson colour spreading across my cheeks.


	12. Anxiety

Baekhyun’s POV

The click of the door made us both shoot up from the couch. ‘Minseok’ Y/N announced, watching in anticipation as the front door of the apartment opened slowly. I dared to glance over at her. The look on her face shocked me, was she scared? Her eyes shot from me to the door and back to me at rapid speed. I had learned through the years of being with Y/N that she sometimes suffered from anxiety and that it usually comes unannounced. She told me multiple times to ignore it if she looked scared because it was probably just some scenario in her head playing out. Time and time again did she tell me not to pay attention to it and not to worry about it because it was just in her head. I never listened to it though. I never told her but whenever I saw that flicker of fear appear in her eyes I would find little ways to make her more comfortable. I would spend more time complimenting her, I would propose to cook and make her favourite dish, I would spend more time giving her kisses, making sure she felt how loved she was instead of me just saying it to her. I grabbed her hand quickly, squeezed it and let it go before the door was open. The door was now completely opened and Minseok walked inside leisurely. He took his jacket off and threw his keys away without even looking up. Were they really together now? I wondered. Y/N didn’t seem very happy with his return. Minseok became aware of my presence in the living room and stiffened. With that Y/N stiffened too. ‘Baekhyun was just leaving’ Y/N said curtly her voice void of all emotion. I didn’t want to leave her behind with Minseok. Minseok doesn’t know how to deal with Y/N’s anxiety. He won’t be able to comfort her the way I used to. How well we worked in those moments. It all seems a distant memory. I reluctantly picked up my coat and made my way to the door. ‘I’ll see him out’ Y/N announced, none of the emotion I could see in her eyes was reflected in her voice. I let her lead me to the door and stepped out. I turned around ‘Y/N, I know you hate me asking this, but will you be okay?’ she gave me a broken smile that showed me exactly how right I was about her feelings. She nodded ‘I’ll be alright, Baek, I will see you later’ she comforted ‘Promise?’ I asked hopefully. ‘promise’ she mouthed, not confident enough to give actual volume to her words. She softly closed the door and I let out a big sigh, turning on my heels to make my way back to Chanyeol. Whatever had happened between us today felt good. It felt as if we were at the beginning of our relationship again. Both giggling and a little nervous and not really expecting anything from the other. Maybe that was where we went wrong in the end. Expectations. They are bound to lead to disappointment.

I kicked my shoes off at the door and made my way into the living room. I regretted finishing half the bottle of wine we had for lunch now and grumpily let myself fall back onto the couch. Chanyeol entered the room and saw my miserable state. ‘You look like shit, Byun’ he commented. ‘Always the complimentary guys’ I snarled sarcastically. ‘You know what might help you relax?’ Chanyeol asked suggestively lifting his eyebrows. ‘In your dreams Park, once was enough’ Chanyeol feigned getting shot in the heart ‘Ah you break my heart Byun’ he chuckled making his way to the kitchen. After a few minutes, he came back from the kitchen with two big mugs of tea. He sat one on the table in front of me and sat next to me. ‘So since we’re not doing the other thing’ he said, wiggling his eyebrows comically once more ‘let’s talk’ a small grin crossed his lips but he held back trying to show me he was serious. ‘Speak up Byun’ Chanyeol pressed when I didn’t reply. ‘I want her back, Yeol’ I finally managed avoiding his eyes. A big sigh left the tall boy’s body. ‘I figured as much’ he admitted ‘too bad, now I can’t do all the things I want to you anymore’ he patted my back playfully. ‘Like you could do that before I told you this’ I shot back. He grinned ‘No, but at least I had a small chance. I’m not getting anywhere near you when Y/N’s in charge. For such a small lady, she is scary as heck’. I laughed too at this ‘I told her what happened between us though’ Chanyeol’s eyes shot to mine and were wide with horror ‘You did WHAT?!’ he exclaimed. ‘Relax, Chan, she was okay with it. As a matter of fact, I think she suspected you’d been after me for a while’. ‘That little witch’ Chanyeol declared. Chanyeol seemed a little conflicted now. ‘Did you expect us to become more after what happened?’ I wondered hesitantly at his confliction. His eyes found mine and seemed to soften at the look of me. ‘I did want it very much before it happened’ Chanyeol confessed ‘But it seemed weird after we had sex and I realised that I’d rather have you as just a friend’ I was taken aback a little by his honest confession. ‘I’m glad we’re on the same page then’ Chanyeol smiled warmly and nodded at my reply. ‘Now, Baek, I hate to break it to you, but you really do look like shit. Go get some sleep’ the giant pushed me towards the bedroom. ‘Just don’t suffocate me half-way through the night’ I mumbled and walked inside ‘No promises’ he shot me a wide grin and closed the door behind me. I changed into a simple t-shirt and let myself fall on the bed, feeling myself slip into a restless sleep.

The annoying buzzing of my phone next to my head woke me in the middle of the night. I groggily tried to open my eyes to look at my phone. A large warm arm was pinning me to the mattress. ‘Can you please pick that up, I want to sleep’ Chanyeol mumbled grumpily and I realised his face was extremely close to my neck, his warm breath tickling my skin as he spoke. ‘If you let me go from your deadly grip, I will’ Chanyeol grunted and turned around his arm leaving my body. I sat up in the bed and placed the phone next to my ear after answering. ‘Y/N? What is the matter?’ I did my best to keep my voice calm and collected but I knew that if she was calling me in the middle of the night, something must be terribly wrong. The only thing I could here on the other side of the line was ragged breathing. ‘Y/N?’I let the silence fall between us for a while ‘Baek’ she eventually sobbed ‘Please’ was all she managed. I was already up from the bed rummaging through my things to find some clothes. I decided to just throw a light jacket over my t-shirt and put on some jeans. I made my way to the living room trying to find the car keys. Never letting the phone stray from my ear. ‘Where are you?’ I demanded softly. ‘Parking lot of our building’ she sobbed. ‘I’ll be right there. Hang in there. Don’t move until I’m there’ I demanded and rushed out the door. I jumped in the car and made my way towards my old apartment. Luckily, there wasn’t a soul awake at this ungodly hour so I could get there quickly. I pulled into the parking lot with astonishing speed when I saw Y/N hunched up in a corner. I put the car in park and ran towards her. My hands found her and pulled her into my embrace. ‘Y/N’ I mumbled softly kissing her hair ‘Are you okay? Did someone hurt you? What happened?’ She just nodded softly before burying her face into my chest letting the feeling wash over her. She softly sobbed against my chest and we sat there for a while. After a while I realised she was shivering so I carried her to the car and placed her on the passenger’s seat. I got in on the driver’s seat and just started driving around the city.   

I couldn’t help but throw the occasional glance towards Y/N. I had never seen her anxiety be this bad. She looked small and fragile in the seat of my car. I saw she was still slightly shivering so I put up the heat a little more. Eventually I moved my arm over to her side and placed it on her thigh while keeping my eyes on the road ahead. Slightly squeezing it to reassure her I’m here. We weren’t driving anywhere in particular just ‘away’ from whatever got her so worked up. I knew it was pointless asking what make her feel this way right now because she probably didn’t even know herself. After looking for a comforting radio station for while without success I decided to put on a CD I made for her a while back that was still in my car. It was filled with all the songs she told me made her happy. After carefully placing the CD in the player I returned my hand to her side and grabbed her hand. I felt so hopeless in this moment. There was nothing I could do for her now but be there and wait until she was ready to spill her story. ‘Baek’ she finally spoke ‘Can you pull over?’ she asked I started to panic a little. We had just entered the high way and I couldn’t just stop. ‘What is it Y/N? I can’t just pull over on the high way’ ‘Pull over NOW!’ she shouted and I obeyed. The second the car came to a halt she stormed out and emptied the contents of her stomach on the side of the road. I put the emergency light on and carefully left the car to see how she was doing. She was standing with her hands on her knees bend over. I slowly walked over to her. Softly I placed on of my hands on her back and started rubbing it up and down. With the other hand, I grabbed her long hair and held it back while a new wave of vomit made its way out of her. It was a disgusting sight but in my time with Y/N I had never been as worried as I was now. ‘Do we need to go to the A&E?’ I asked hesitantly, knowing Y/N despised hospitals. ‘Don’t be an idiot Baek, I’m just throwing up, not dying’ she bickered heaving over in anticipation of a new wave but nothing came out. I simply continued stroking her back and holding her hair away from her face. After a while it seemed all the contents of her stomach now lined the side of the road we stood at. I pulled her closer and wrapped my arms around her small figure. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ she shook her head against my chest but wrapped her arms around me and pulled me even closer.


	13. Challenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update today! The next chapter will be a heavy one but I cannot upload it tomorrow since I'm travelling home. So I'll make sure to upload it on Tuesday! Enjoy!

_3 Years Earlier_

**Y/N POV**

‘Thank you for your hard work Y/N, I have complete faith in you taking over my job after today’ Jun-Nam announce after my first two months of working for the company. I bowed deeply ‘Thank you, Sir, I will not disappoint you’ I replied. Today was the official farewell lunch of Jun-Nam. A few of his closest employees and the group he worked most with, that group being EXO, were invited. We all made our way towards the restaurant. Yixing and Sehun had been in the car with me being their hyper selves, almost spilling their whole concert concept before I reminded them of their own contracts and they started apologising profusely. ‘It’s fine boys. Just don’t do it to the media, it’s less of a problem if I know but it becomes huge when the media picks up on it. That would spoil the whole concept’ I lectured them when we left the car using my ‘teacher voice’ mockingly. ‘Yah! don’t be too strict to them Y/N otherwise we’ll have to deal with their constant whining’ a voice shouted towards us. I recognised it as Minseok’s. I smiled at him. I must admit that Minseok looks like he would be the perfect boyfriend. He’s always polite, at times a little cheeky and he looks like he walked directly from a magazine. As much as he would be perfect for me, I secretly already had someone from this group who caught my eye more than any of the others. Byun Baekhyun had secretly stolen my heart over the past two months. I kept running into him in the hall where he would joke around flirting with me trying to make me blush every time he saw me. When he succeeded a bright, grin would appear on his face. However, I was about to become their official boss so it would be incredibly inappropriate for me to chase any of them. So, I decided to admire from afar, even though my heart screamed for more. I was also pretty sure that they were all more interested in people of their own sex, more than they would be interested in me at least. ‘Like you would mind if Yixing was clingy and pouty all over you, Minseok’ I joked back. His eyes grew wide and a blush coloured his face. I grinned in victory. A hand was softly placed on the small of my back. I turned to see that Baekhyun had placed his arm there and my heart made a little summersault. ‘Let’s go in so we can have the best seats’ he beamed with an almost childlike grin on his face.

**Minseok’s POV**

Never before had I seen someone look so incredibly sexy while telling people off. Y/N had caught my eye the second we met. I had been too shy to talk to her then but now that she had been working with us for a while I felt more comfortable striking up a conversation. ‘Yah! don’t be too strict to them Y/N otherwise we’ll have to deal with their constant whining’ I shouted over the parking lot. She turned and flashed me a blinding smile. ‘Like you would mind if Yixing was clingy and pouty all over you, Minseok’ she joked and I blushed shyly, unable to respond. I saw how Baekhyun stepped towards her and placed his hand on her lower back. He whispered something to her with a childish grin and they walked inside. Of course, Baekhyun was all over her. He had always been the flirty and outgoing one of the group. It was only natural that, when the opportunity arose to catch someone’s interest, he would be the first to stand out. I cursed myself for being such an introvert at this moment and not having the guts to go up to her and challenge Baekhyun in this conquest to win her heart. I stepped inside the warm restaurant. A friendly lady at the door took my coat and lead me to our table. I saw Baekhyun sitting next to Y/N making silly faces to get her to laugh. At my arrival, she looked up ‘Come sit next to me, Min’ she smiled and patted the seat next to her. I muttered a thank you and took a seat. I was hyper aware of the close proximity of our legs under the table and swallowed hard. She put her hand on top of mine ‘Are you okay Min, you look a bit pale’ she commented with genuine concern in her voice. I looked up at her face and smiled shyly. Her eyes were so enchanting that I almost forgot to answer her question, a little squeeze on my hand reminded me of the situation. I cleared my throat before I spoke ‘I’m fine, thank you, just a little tired I guess’ I almost whispered, not wanting to draw to much attention to myself. ‘Okay’ she resounded and finally gave in to Baekhyun begging for her attention. I sighed softly hoping the oxygen would clear my mind of her essence. How had she already carved her name in my heart? Chanyeol’s loud voice coaxed me out of my own imagination. He took a seat next to Baekhyun and started joking with the smaller brunet. Chanyeol was so incredibly transparent that everyone knew he had a crush on Baekhyun. He tried hiding it, and the fact that he’s gay but he has no idea how much of an open book he is. It was adorable really.

**Chanyeol’s POV**

It started a few years ago, getting a strange feeling whenever I was around my members. We were all getting along great but when we were dancing I would feel awkward feelings all of a sudden, causing me to mess up the dances a lot. Jongdae and Junmyeon were the first to notice and sat me down. After a long and very emotional conversation I finally felt confident enough to tell the other members and our managers. This excluded Y/N since she wasn’t working with us. When I decided to tell her, I knew half the group had a crush on her. Not strange really since we barely work this closely with any other women. Y/N was the first one who, next to congratulating me, also hugged me. She complimented me on being brave and told me she would always support me. The other members stood behind me but none were as open about it as Y/N. After this, we always joked about guys and frequently went shopping together. I was about to tell her about my crush on Baekhyun but she beat me to it. Opening her heart to me and spilling all her deepest feelings for him. How conflicted she had been since they’re working together, how she could never pursue him because of her position. I couldn’t break her heart by telling her that I was in love with him too. So, I told her to just go for it and take a chance at him. This was a week ago and now they were sitting together at a table laughing and joking. I was forced to sit next to Baekhyun since that was the only seat still available. I tried to take it lightly and started joking with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo. I looked over at Y/N questionably, wondering if she’d dropped the word already. She shook her head lightly, barely noticeable to anyone but me and a soft smile crossed her lips. I nudged my head towards a little separated area at the back of the restaurant. A blush crossed her face ‘Later’ she mouthed.

**Baekhyun’s POV**

Ever since Y/N’s first work day at our company I’ve been completely smitten by her. I might have looked cool and confident on the outside but on the inside, I turn to mush every time she as much as glances my way, let alone smile. It’s been two months that I’ve tried to court her. Being extra friendly towards her, asking her to join us for lunch, joking around and trying to make her blush. I’ve even taken her home a few days. It was clear from the very start that she would be the one to hold my heart. What was frustrating was how changeable she was. One moment she answered my flirty questions with flirty answers and threw in her own flirting from time to time, but other times she was cold and distant pretending to be the professional she claims to be. I wish she would just drop the professional façade and give me a real sign so I could ask her out properly. Today our main producer is officially retiring and treating us for lunch, so it has to happen today before she’s officially thrown into the role of being my boss. I had thought about this all week. I would make sure that I would be sitting next to her and engage in conversation with her. I would do everything to make her laugh and if at some point she would put her hand on me I would risk everything and ask her out. So here we are, in the restaurant. I made sure we were the first to enter the restaurant. I couldn’t keep my eyes from her. Even when we were seated and Chanyeol demanded some of my attention I couldn’t help but glance back at her and smile. I’m not usually a jealous guy but when she was talking to Minseok and placing her hand over his I felt a short pang in my stomach. The only thing she needed to do was touch me, place a hand on me somewhere with whatever intention. I tried to regain her attention and succeeded after a while. During our second course, I suddenly felt a hand on my thigh. My eyes shot to it and I could’ve kissed Y/N right there and then when I saw it was really hers. She tilted her small frame towards me ‘If we get the chance there’s something I’d like to tell you in private’ she whispered so only I could hear. I nodded but was unable to keep the grin from my face. After a few more courses we were given a ‘digestion break’ which usually consisted of a short walk around the area before coming back to eat again. Almost everyone was outside apart from Y/N, Minseok and myself. ‘You go ahead Min, I’ll join you later I just have to take a little toilet break’ she assured him and he reluctantly left the room. It was just me and her now. My heart was beating so fast and loud that I was almost certain she was able to hear it. She turned around to face me. ‘That was a lie’ she smiled ‘I don’t really need to go to the toilet’. There was an uncomfortable silence between us. ‘I have something to confess Y/N’ I finally gushed. Her eyes were curious ‘you do?’ she asked. I nodded and cleared my throat. ‘So, I made a deal with myself that if you would touch me today, that I would find the courage to tell you my feelings’ the words were leaving my mouth at rapid speed but Y/N seemed to catch every single one of them. ‘So, here I go. I like you. I’ve liked you since the moment you almost fell at my feet on your first working day. But I have been too afraid to tell you anything since you’re practically my boss and…’ A pair of soft lips cut me off midsentence. It didn’t take me long to return the kiss which was soft and sweet. Y/N’s hands found their way around my neck and into my hair and I couldn’t contain the groan leaving my body. Our kiss grew needier and after a few minutes of making out we separated, both panting lightly. ‘I like you too, Baek. That’s what I wanted to tell you’ I couldn’t contain my excitement and grabbed her face softly before connecting our lips once more. She mumbled something against my lips. ‘Sorry, what?’ I laughed and she chuckled as well, such a beautiful sound it was. ‘We do have to keep it a secret for now though, since I am indeed your boss from today onwards’ she cautioned. ‘You just made that sound way sexier than I could have imagined’ I teased while letting my hands roam her small frame. ‘Baekhyun, not here’ she gulped, her voice slightly low in anticipation which didn’t help me get away from her at all. I stole a few little kisses before I took her hand. ‘Would it be weird if we walked hand in hand?’ I questioned. She nodded while laughing ‘I think it would but you could take me out sometime’ she proposed. ‘That sounds like a great idea’ I stole a quick kiss and we made our way outside to the rest of the group my heart ten times larger and my step skipping and light.

**_Now_ **

We had been standing by the side of the road for a while now. Y/N had completely stopped vomiting and was now actually shivering from the cold. ‘Let’s go’ I announced. She shook her head violently. ‘I don’t want to return home now, I can’t be with him now’. She let go of my hand. ‘It’s your apartment Y/N, well technically ours but you get my drift, if you don’t want anyone else there just send them away’. Her eyes grew wide and tears were filling her eyes again. ‘Y/N, I don’t know what Minseok has done to you but goddamn I want to kill him for making you like this’ I growled unable to retain my anger any longer. ‘Don’t talk like that, Baekhyun. Life isn’t as easy as you always imagine it to be’ she shot back. ‘So, what do you want to do?’ I challenged. She sighed heavily. ‘I don’t know, Baek. I just don’t know’ the tears were now falling from her eyes painting wet streaks on her cheeks. ‘Get in’ I demanded ‘We’re going to Chanyeol’s’. She silently stepped into the car. I held her hand the whole way back and she drew slow circles on it. ‘Y/N’ I finally conceded ‘I don’t care how long it will take me and I might lose a friend along the way, but I am going to do everything in my power to win you back’ I kept my eyes on the road, afraid of her reaction. She didn’t reply to any of my words but the small squeeze in my hand was enough confirmation for me to try.


	14. Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally the next chapter. This one is a very heavy one and it took so much emotion from me. Also a little warning coming up:
> 
> WARNING: Mentions and descriptions of domestic abuse
> 
> This chapter was necessary for the background of Y/N and to get the story where I need it to go. I hope you can enjoy the chapter. Please let me know what you think of it by giving Kudos and/or commenting. A few more chapters to go in this story!

Y/N POV 

My anxiety has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. When I got into a relationship with Baekhyun my anxiety was on the down low again. I just came from a very toxic relationship which made me move to Seoul in the first place. I wanted to get away from that relationship but also from my own past. My home situation hasn’t been a pleasant one. Especially not once my father started drinking. He would be alright with one or two drinks, he would just get loud and think his jokes were the funniest thing in the world. It got different when he started drinking more than two glasses. He would get even louder but also grumpier. I would usually stick around when that happened if only to protect my mother from his wrath. He would blame her, and sometimes me, for everything that was wrong in the world and more often than not it would end in a fight where he would hit everything in his path, including us. One time it got so bad that both my mother and myself had to go to hospital. He had been drinking with his friends in a pub down the street while watching a game of soccer. He came home pretty intoxicated and demanded my mother to make him food. However, my mother had been sleeping since she had been ill for the past few days so I proposed to make dinner for him. This wasn’t good enough for him.

_‘You’re just a little wench, wenches can’t cook proper food. Wake your mother up and drag her to the kitchen to make me a proper dinner.’_

he had shouted. I refused to wake my mother and he made his way to her bedroom, literally dragging her out of her bed and punched her a couple of times, calling her a lousy and disappointing wife. I tried to get in between them and this resulted in him turning me into his personal punching bag while shouting every insult that came to his mind. While bleeding I had to call 911 and order an ambulance for both my mother and myself. The anger from others towards me has been one of the most prominent issues that sparked my anxiety after that day in hospital. When I woke up the doctors all told me how lucky I was still being alive but I didn’t feel lucky at all. I asked about my mother and they told me she was alright and that my father was with her. This sparked such a panic attack that I lost consciousness again. Luckily, one of the interns was clever enough to see this as a signal of something broken within our family. Thanks to her my mother and I were able to get away from my father and start over in Korea.

Being with Baekhyun was like a breath of fresh air in my life. Baekhyun is completely non-violent and mostly playful, even when he was angry, he would usually walk away instead of raising his voice, or hands, at me. Due to my father’s alcoholism and anger issues I was forced to fend for myself at a very young age, learning what it means to be an adult when in fact you’re still a child. This made me incredibly suspicious of people because I always assumed they had other intentions then they let on. The last relationship before Baekhyun was with Dae-Hee whom I thought I was in love with, because at the time I thought I knew what real love was. He broke something in me that I hadn’t realised until I got involved with Minseok. Dae-Hee and I got together after I had too much to drink at a pub one night. I was unable to walk so he got me home. From then on, we started dating until he started hitting me and accusing me of cheating on him. I kept telling him I wasn’t and that I loved only him. One day he had just packed his stuff and left me. It took me months to get over him. When I had cheated with Minseok, I felt so bad for Baekhyun that I wanted to call it quits with Minseok right after he kissed me the first time. However, there was something about him that was addictive to me, and I realised later that he looks a lot like my ex-boyfriend Dae-Hee, not in his appearance but more in his presence and character. The first two/three weeks with Minseok were just as perfect as I had imagined being with him would be like.

 _‘Y/N would you like a glass of wine?’_ _Minseok’s soft voice came from the kitchen. ‘Yes, that would be nice thank you’ I replied a little hesitant. It’s been a few days since Minseok and Baekhyun got into that fight. The bruise on Minseok’s face had turned a greenish yellow colour and the pain was completely gone according to Minseok. I had invited him over because I was starting to get lonely and I had been feeling a little anxious about calling Baekhyun. I broke his heart in the cruellest way, by kissing his best friend. I understood that he didn’t want to see me anymore, I wouldn’t want to see myself. So, I called Minseok and it was like he had been waiting for my call. He had been here within a few minutes and immediately insisted on staying for my comfort. He hadn’t touched me ever since we had sex. I had woken up with an anxiety attack worrying about what I was doing to Baekhyun and it had frightened him so much that he promised not to do anything until I indicated otherwise. Minseok walked towards me from the kitchen with two glasses of white wine. ‘Thanks’ I said and let my hand stroke his softly while taking the glass from his hand. He stiffened at the touch and looked at me hopefully. ‘Sit down Minseok’ I told him and he quickly obeyed setting his own glass on the table after taking a quick sip. ‘Does this mean…?’ he didn’t even have to finish the question when I nodded ‘Yes, I’m sorry I freaked out’ I muttered apologetically. He grabbed my wine glass and placed it on the table carefully before he proceeded to take my face into his hands carefully as if I was made of glass. ‘You are so incredibly beautiful Y/N, I wish I had had the guts to try and win you over sooner’ he praised before placing his lips softly on mine._

The evening with Baekhyun had been lovely and it felt familiar, like we were back at the start of our relationship again. I couldn’t deny the tingly feeling in my stomach whenever I looked at him. It seemed like neither of us had any expectations on how this meeting would go. We were just there for each other and it felt amazing. The clicking sound of the lock made my heart jump to my throat. ‘Shit’ I thought. I forgot I had given Minseok a key so I wouldn’t have to open the door every time he would come around after practice. We had been seeing each other on and off for the past few weeks. He was clear about wanting to be more than a friend to me, and sometimes I let him but more frequently now Baekhyun would crawl his way back into my mind and I would be consumed by guilt and the feeling of missing him. As much as I enjoyed Minseok’s company, he wasn’t Baekhyun. He didn’t make my heart flutter in weird little ways or made me feel completely at ease by just holding my hand. It just wasn’t the same. The first time I had mentioned my guilt to Minseok he got extremely jealous and forbade me to ever talk about Baekhyun again. He got so angry. He raised his voice and something within me wanted to run as far away from him as possible, so, why didn’t I? I knew the answer deep down. Minseok had apologised immediately after getting angry and pleaded forgiveness. I told him I forgave him and he asked me to never leave him because that would certainly break him and he wouldn’t know what he would do. He trapped me, he trapped me like Dae-Hee had trapped me. I told myself again and again that he wasn’t like Dae-Hee because he hadn’t actually hit me yet and that every human gets angry from time to time. It had been fine only when he’d run into Baekhyun at work or if he came up in conversation would Minseok show signs of his anger but he always apologised afterwards, showering me with little gifts and kisses to show how sorry he was. I hadn’t told him that Baekhyun was visiting and I regretted that now because this unexpected encounter was sure going to make him angry. I saw his eyes flicker over Baekhyun’s presence and knew I had to interfere before he would explode with Baekhyun still in the room. I didn’t want Baekhyun to know about this because he would surely try to convince me to dump Minseok, but Minseok gave me a choice. I either stay with him and Baekhyun would remain unharmed or I lose them both. ‘Baekhyun was just leaving’ I blurted out before anyone could say anything. I saw something of concern in Baekhyun’s eyes when he picked up his coat ‘I’ll see him out’ I used as an excuse to check on him and make sure he would know that I’m okay. He turned around before I could close the door ‘Y/N, I know you hate me asking this, but will you be okay?’ I tried to smile but I know I wasn’t selling my happiness very well so I opted for a nod. ‘I’ll be alright, Baek, I will see you later’ I was taken aback a little by my usage of his nickname. I haven’t said it in so long that it almost felt foreign in my mouth. The ‘see you later’ was a promise I made to myself. I would convince Minseok that this was nothing and I would still get to keep Baekhyun in my life. ‘Promise?’ he asked, a sudden burst of hope audible in his voice. I said the word back but no volume was given to it, since I wouldn’t know if I was able to keep the promise. I closed the door silently and braced myself for the storm. It stayed silent. Minseok was sitting on the sofa staring at the left-over food and empty wine glasses on the table. ‘Minseok’ I started but got interrupted by his stern voice ‘What was he doing here?’ he looked calm but I knew that underneath he was struggling to keep his control which could be lost the second I answered wrongly. ‘He was upset over something that happened at a fan sign and I wanted to comfort him’ I explained in a soft voice. ‘Comfort him?’ his eyes shot to mine ‘Comfort him?!’ he repeated louder. I nodded softly. ‘You are with me, why would you even comfort him’ this time I was getting angry. If that were true it would mean Minseok has control over my whole life and who I talk to or not. ‘Because, Minseok, at the end of the day he is still my friend and I care about him’. I walked off into the bathroom and closed the door. I knew this would have consequences later but right now I didn’t want him to see me cry. When I finally left the bathroom Minseok was standing right there. He took his face into his hands and forced me to look at him. ‘You still love him, don’t you?’ he asked. The question sounded hurt, not angry. ‘I…’ I didn’t know what to say, but I didn’t have to the tears in my eyes said enough. ‘You do’ he said curtly and let go of my face ‘Minseok, I...’ I reached to grab his hand but was too late. He lifted his arm and I felt the dull sting of pain when his hand touched my face sharply. I caressed the area with my own hand, as if it would take away the pain. I looked at him in shock. He didn’t meet my eyes. I ran back to the living room, grabbed my phone and keys from the table and walked out the door promptly.

My phone was shaking in my hands. I hadn’t taking anything from the house apart from my keys and phone. I rubbed the places where Minseok hit me. A wave of anxiety took me back to the night I was hospitalised by my father. This didn’t feel as bad as then but a small rational part of my brain knew that I shouldn’t be alone. I dialled Baekhyun’s number. It took a few rings before he picked up ‘Y/N? What is the matter?’ his voice was raspy and low he sounded calm and collected. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. ‘Y/N?’ he said again this time the concern was clearly audible in his voice ‘Baek. Please’ I finally managed to sob the warm tears finding their way out of my body. ‘Where are you’ his voice was demanding but never harsh. ‘Parking lot of our building’ I sobbed unable to keep up the pretence any longer now that I had found the safety in Baekhyun. ‘I’ll be right there. Hang in there. Don’t move until I’m there’ he continued still slightly demanding but the concern was so prominent in his voice that I didn’t mind. I nodded knowing he wouldn’t see it and hung up. Letting myself glide down to the floor of the cold parking lot. I let the tears flow freely not caring about the security cameras that might pick up my miserable moment. I hugged myself with my arms and prayed that Minseok wouldn’t come running after me. A few minutes later I saw Baekhyun’s car speed towards me. He stopped a few meters away from me and jumped out of the car. His hands found me and held me tight to his chest. ‘Y/N, are you okay? Did someone hurt you? What happened?’ he said while kissing my hair softly. I could only nod and let the tears wash over me. I couldn’t tell him about Minseok. He would kill Minseok if he knew. I let myself be comforted but I felt numb on the inside. I recognised this as a panic attack but this one was nothing like the ones I had experienced before. Baekhyun suddenly stood up and carried me to the car. Carefully placing me in the passenger’s seat. He buckled my belt before running to the other side of the car and getting in.

It seemed like we had been driving for hours. Baekhyun kept glancing my way but I didn’t dare to meet his glance, afraid of the worry that was bound to be painted on his face. After a while I felt his hand on my thigh and he squeezed it. Something he would do when he wanted to let me know he was there for me, but couldn’t speak. Baekhyun kept fumbling with the radio stations, changing it ever so often until he let out a frustrated moan and grabbed a CD from the glove compartment. He put the CD in and I recognised it immediately. It was filled with all the songs that I told him made me happy. He put a really cheesy note with it saying that it could comfort me if he wasn’t around to do so. There was one song on there that he made himself called ‘If you’re hurting, I’ll be there’. It was a lovely ballad filled with promises of him being there whenever things seemed bad. That he would hold me and comfort me even if I ever chose to love another. The lyrics were dancing in my head and suddenly I felt sick. ‘Baek, can you pull over?’ I muttered the question. It wasn’t really a question but Baekhyun still answered. ‘What is it Y/N? I can’t just pull over on the high way!’ he slurred. I felt another wave come up. ‘Pull over NOW’ I almost screamed and Baekhyun immediately steered the car towards the side of the road. I opened the door quickly and ran to the far side where I emptied the contents of my stomach. Definitely haven’t had a panic attack this bad in a while. The only one that was worse was the first one I ever had in the hospital the night my dad had gone too far. I couldn’t stop the waves of sick from coming and it was like all the bad feelings towards Minseok and the guilt towards hurting Baekhyun were violently thrown out. Baekhyun was there. Keeping my hair out of my face and softly stroking my back. ‘Do we need to go to A&E?’ he asked hesitantly, knowing my revulsion against hospitals. ‘Don’t be an idiot Baek, I’m just throwing up, not dying’ I tried to lighten the mood but another wave of guilt for lying made me heave over. My stomach was empty so nothing came. After a while he pulled me towards his chest and wrapped his arms around me. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ He consoled. I shook my head and placed my arms around him, pulling him closer and drowning out the bad with his intoxicating scent.


	15. Confession

****

**Y/N POV**

It’s been nice to be away from my own world for a little while. Now that I’m at Chanyeol’s it’s been great to get my mind off of things but I also realise that I really miss my own things. I have no idea where to find anything in this house and living with two guys hasn’t been helping either. Baekhyun has been keeping his distance ‘out of respect’ he says. Even though I see his glances and how much he is constraining himself. Chanyeol has been a delight in this. Since we all know what happened between them he jokes about ‘helping Baekhyun to take of the tension’ which is usually answered with Baekhyun getting all shy and flustered muttering something about not being tense before disappearing to the studios. It’s been weird to feel banished from my own home but I don’t know what to do about Minseok yet. The fact that he hit me means I can never be with him again. I can’t trust him anymore. I haven’t told Baekhyun any of this but I decided to open up to Chanyeol a little, making sure Baekhyun wasn’t around to eavesdrop. ‘I don’t know what to do about the situation Chan, Minseok is probably in my house waiting for me to come back but I have to tell him that I can’t be with him anymore. What if he doesn’t take it well and… and hits me again’ I choked a bit at the end, unable to keep the emotions from rushing back to me at the memory. When I first told Chanyeol he looked at me in disbelief. ‘Minseok? No way, he wouldn’t harm a fly’ Chanyeol pleaded but when he saw the hurt in my eyes his demeanour changed ‘Oh my god, Y/N, I’m going to fucking kill that motherf…’ ‘Chanyeol, please, I’m sure it was a moment of weakness. But I just can’t be with him anymore. It’s just… I don’t know how to tell him. Chanyeol, you should’ve seen his face when I let him kiss me. He was the happiest I’ve ever seen him. What if something happens to him because I can’t get over this?’ As much as I was worried about Minseok’s well-being, the promise that Baekhyun had made that night in the car also rang through my mind. ‘I don’t care how long it will take me and I might lose a friend along the way, but I am going to do everything in my power to win you back’ He sounded so convinced, so full of faith. Just like he did the day after I told him I liked him too.

_A soft hand was placed into mine, before I fully realised what was happening I was spun around and a pair of soft lips attached to mine. ‘Baek’ I mumbled and put my hands on his chest to try and push him away. ‘Don’t be like that. I know you like it’ he replied. ‘I do. But I am still your boss, I could fire you for this and file a complaint for a sexual harassment’ I joked. ‘you wouldn’t’ Baekhyun replied his eyes wide with horror. ‘I wouldn’t but the look on your face just now was more than enough’ I laughed. Baekhyun put on a pouty face and turned on his heels. ‘Love you’ I whispered just loud enough for him to hear, he quickly spun around again and made his way towards me. He grabbed my hand and started playing with my fingers. ‘I am serious Baekhyun, this needs to be a secret’. He looked at my hand seriously, a little frown appeared on his face while he was thinking. ‘I’m going to make sure that you know I love you without spilling our secret’ he beamed. I laughed at the seriousness of his voice. I didn’t imagine him being serious but later that day I received a gigantic bouquet of all of my favourite flowers. There was a note attached to the bouquet it read: ‘from your secret admirer’. I smiled knowing exactly who had send it. ‘Wow, that’s a beautiful bouquet’ my assistant Sophie beamed. ‘Who’s the lucky guy’ she asked always curious about office gossip. ‘A secret admirer’ I replied mysteriously. A few minutes later Baekhyun stormed into my office with all sort of questions about the change in management of EXO. After answering his questions calmly, he seemed to relax a little in the chair until Sophie decided to open her mouth. ‘Hey Baek, did you know Y/N had a secret admirer? Look he send her a lovely bouquet of her favourite flowers. You should take note as to what to do to win a girl over’ Baekhyun shot her a deadly look but secretly rubbed his foot up my leg under the desk. ‘A secret admirer huh?’ he joked, knowing perfectly well that I knew who sent the flowers ‘Gosh, this means I need to step up my game if I am to win you over’ Baekhyun used to flirt like this all the time with me but this time I couldn’t stop the blush from painting my face bright red. ‘Yah, I’m your boss you will do no such thing’ I shot placing my hand over the foot he placed on my leg and softly stroked it. In the next few weeks I was overthrown with gifts from ‘my secret admirer’ and Baekhyun kept his promise by keeping it all a secret but still showing me how much he cared. He would steal me away from a meeting for a quick make-out session, sending all sorts of gifts to my office. He would discretely grab my hand under the desk during meetings and draw circles on it with his fingers, making me steal him away for another one of those make-out sessions. There were a few areas in the building that I knew were abandoned most of the time so we made good use of those. The only time our secret was in jeopardy was when Sophie caught us making out in one of the copy rooms. I promised to tell her the whole story if she swore to keep it a secret since it could cost us all our jobs. Luckily, she did._

Chanyeol sighed deeply. ‘I think you should go Y/N. If anything, Minseok deserves to explain himself but he also deserves to know exactly why you can’t be with him anymore. Yes, it was very, very, wrong what he did, but I am pretty sure that it was a mistake more than a habit’ in my three years at the company I had only seen Chanyeol this serious when he was talking about producing his new music. I felt a strong urge to give him a hug, so I did. ‘Thank you, Chan, you’re right. He deserves to know’ I mulled over the next question, unsure if I should ask. In the end, I decided to ask anyway if only for my own comfort. ‘Chanyeol, could you do me a favour? Could you tag along and wait outside for me? So that if anything were to happen that I could text you?’ my voice was soft, almost a whisper, but loud enough for Chanyeol to hear. He nodded and we made our way out of the apartment. ‘Have you seen Baekhyun lately?’ Chanyeol asked in the car. I looked over at him in confusion ‘No, I haven’t I figured he wanted to keep his distance out of respect to be honest’ Chanyeol’s face crunched into a frown ‘Where could that boy be’ he wondered out loud. ‘He’ll be fine Chanyeol, he’s a grown man. He can take care of himself’ I finally remarked.

The door opened slowly ‘Y/N’ Minseok breathed his voice filled with hope at my return. I took a deep breath and stepped inside. ‘Why are you ringing the bell at your own apartment’ Minseok asked keeping a pretence as if nothing had happened between us. I hated it, I wanted to scream at him and blame him for everything. Scream out how much he had hurt me and how he had completely destroyed the trust I had in him. ‘We need to talk’ I said curtly making sure not to give him any false hope. Something his eyes changed and I knew I successfully chopped at the hope that had been in them. I swallowed hard and walked past him into the living room. Minseok sat down next to me on the couch. His body completely facing me. I looked straight ahead to the wall, afraid that I wouldn’t be able to say the things I need to say when I looked into his hazelnut coloured eyes. I closed my eyes picturing his catlike eyes looking into mine and the little mole next to his eyes. I took a breath. ‘Explain yourself Minseok’ I managed to get out in between silent sniffles. I was already losing my carefully built up façade. Minseok reached out his hand but I flinched at his touch and he returned his hand to his lap. ‘Y/N. I don’t know what to say’ he started the tears audible in his voice. He reached out again when he saw the tears stain my face. I grabbed his hands and placed them on his lap. ‘please don’t touch me’ I whispered. ‘I love you Y/N, I don’t want to hurt you. I am so sorry I messed up like that’ he blubbered eventually unable to keep his feelings inside any longer. I let my hands cover my face feeling the tears trickle down the inside of my hands. ‘Why?’ I sobbed. Unable to muster up understanding for his apology without a proper explanation. ‘I don’t know, I was jealous of Baekhyun and I thought….’ He sighed in frustration and dropped his face into his hands. His chest heaving up and down from his quiet sobbing. I regained my composure and cleared my throat of left over tears ‘Minseok, I need you to listen carefully to me’. Minseok looked up from his hands his eyes bloodshot and his face wet from tears. I hated seeing him like this but I had to stay strong and stick to my plan. ‘I can’t be with you anymore’ I confessed. His eyes grew wider and new tears dropped from his eyes ‘What? Why? I’m sorry Y/N I swear it will never happen again’ he pleaded. I decided to grab his hands into mine and moved my body to face him. ‘Look at me Minseok, I care about you but, what you did can’t be undone and because of things in my past, I can’t forgive and forget about this’ I was unable to keep my emotions steady throughout it and one of Minseok’s hands moved towards my face to catch a single tear. After a few excruciating minutes of silence, he cleared his throat and took a deep breath ‘I understand’ he declared. ‘I don’t like it but I have to respect your decision. Does this also mean you’re getting back with Baekhyun?’ he asked. I knew the question had been burning on his lips ever since I walked into the door. ‘I don’t know, Minseok’ I answered honestly. ‘I love him’ I confessed ‘Unlike I’ve loved anyone else, and I hurt him so much when I kissed you that I felt like I didn’t deserve him anymore. But he is willing to give up everything just so he can be with me, Minseok’ I saw the hurt in his eyes and regretted my decision to speak freely about my feelings. ‘Please don’t hate him’ I pleaded. Minseok looked at me with questions written all over his face ‘I know he doesn’t show it, but he really misses you as a friend and colleague. He looks up to you, you know’ Minseok smiled shyly. ‘You don’t have to try and make me feel better Y/N by saying that’ I shook my head ‘I’m not. He really does miss you’. Minseok took my hands and placed them into my own lap this time. ‘Thank you for explaining’ he mused trying to regain his composure. ‘I guess this means I should be leaving’ he chuckled a little and I nodded. He stood up and grabbed his coat. I joined him at the door and before he left he pulled me into a hug. ‘I still love you Y/N, please give me time to process this’ he requested. I hummed in approval and he let go. When he opened the door Chanyeol tumbled into the apartment. He stroked the back of his neck guiltily and apologised for eavesdropping. ‘Chanyeol’ Minseok simply said acknowledging the boy’s presence as he walked past him towards the exit. Chanyeol moved me inside ‘are you okay?’ he asked, ‘Did he do anything?’ I shook my head. Chanyeol disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a glass of water. ‘Here drink this’ he pushed the glass into my hand and moved it towards my mouth. I didn’t realise how thirsty I was until I had finished the glass in just a few gulps. I sat the glass down on the table and saw how my hands were shaking. No wonder Chanyeol was worried. But I didn’t feel sad or scared. I felt relieved that nothing had happened and that Minseok was so understanding. ‘I tried calling Baekhyun but he doesn’t answer his phone’ Chanyeol cautioned, ‘It’s unlike him to disappear like this. I hope he’s alright’ Chanyeol mumbled the last part hoping I might not here but I heard perfectly well. Now Baekhyun was missing? Am I doomed to lose both of them regardless of my intentions? The thoughts spun through my head making me a little dizzy, I was coaxed out of my haze by the vibration of my phone.

 **From:** Baekhyun

 **To:** Y/N

_‘Meet me at the hall before your office at midnight._

_Baekhyun’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is finally (:
> 
> A little last cliffhanger for you all because the next chapter will be the last of this story. I hope you enjoyed this journey and thank you for being a part of my first actual fanfiction.
> 
> Honestly, I hated hurting my baby in this story. Minseok, I'm sorry babe I'll make it up to you in a different one. <3


	16. Nobody said it was Easy

****

**Y/N POV**

I made my way into the building and groaned loudly at the ‘out of order’ sign on the lifts. This meant that I had to take the stairs to the ninth floor and it was almost midnight already. I took a deep breath before attacking the stairs two steps at a time. ‘Goddamn Baek, this better be worth it’ I panted half way. Groaning slightly at the sight of my journey ahead. I looked at my watch and it indicated that I still had two minutes left. ‘I can do this’ I told myself and forced my body up the steps. I let myself fall against the door at the top of the stairs and used my last bit of strength to push it open. ‘Baekhyun?’ I called through the empty hall way, my voice softly echoing off the walls. It felt a little eerie to be here at this hour without anyone else in the building. I hear the soft tunes of a ballad and made my way towards the sound ‘Baek?’ I hesitantly called my every sense on high alert. What was happening? Why did Baekhyun want to meet me here? The sound came from my office and I hesitantly entered the room. It was dark except for the blue light of my computer screen playing Coldplay’s ‘The Scientist’ it was one of my favourite songs. A little note was attached to the screen and I recognised Baekhyun’s handwriting.

‘As Chris Martin beautifully sung, ‘ _Nobody said it was easy’_ and it hasn’t been. It hasn’t been easy to keep our love a secret. It hasn’t been easy seeing you with someone else and it has been downright awful seeing you hurt. Just outside this office was where we met for the first time, where you literally fell for me’ I rolled my eyes at the memory. Of course, he would describe it as such. ‘Now don’t roll your beautiful eyes like that’ I reread the sentence again. How would he know I would roll my eyes? ‘I just know Y/N, I know you almost as well as you know yourself (if not better)’ I smiled. ‘Idiot’ I mumbled. ‘For the next part of my story please make your way to the staff canteen’. I turned off the music and made my way towards the area. ‘Baekhyun?’ I called his name once more thinking it might be enough for him to reveal his hiding location. I realised I was still panting a little from my journey up the stairs. ‘Gosh I need to work on my cardio’ I muttered to myself as I entered the canteen. It was completely empty except for one of the red trays on the table in the middle. On the tray was another note. ‘This is where you sit every day to have your lunch. I know this because I used to watch you from my spot’ I looked up to see if he was actually here now, sneakily watching me but he was nowhere in sight. I continued on reading ‘you look really cute when you eat, you know that? It’s like all that matters in that moment to you is getting the food on your plate inside your body, it’s adorable (and a little gross). This is where I learned that there was more to you than meets the eye. You were engulfed in your own little bubble that you never noticed anyone else around you, even me staring at you for the full hour of your lunch break. The next location is the janitor’s closet on the 8 th floor’. I shot my head up and looked around the dark room. Baekhyun was watching me every time I was eating? I chuckled softly ‘How can he still like me after seeing me eat like that?’ I shook my head and made my way to the next location. ‘Why the fuck is he sending me to the janitor’s closet?’ mumbled in frustration. Rubbing my sore knee after missing the last step on the stairs. ‘Uhg all this exercise might kill me before I find out what this is all for’ I pulled the door open and saw a note lying on the floor. It was significantly smaller than all the other notes. ‘This is the place we had our first office sex adventure and you almost got us caught by being so loud’ a crimson blush flashed to my face at the memory. ‘That’s it. Next location is the dance studio on the ninth floor’. I groaned loudly. I’m going to fucking kill him for making me go all this way just to mention the one time we had sex. I dragged my feet up the stairs again and heaved over at the top. My hands on my knees, trying to get as much oxygen in my lungs as possible. The dance studios were all the way at the other side of the office. ‘I’ll kill you Byun’ I grumbled again. I was panting again when I finally arrived at the dance studios. The second door had a note with a blindfold attached to it. ‘You’ve got to be fucking kidding me Byun’ I hissed. ‘Put these on and step inside’ the note read. I grunted in frustration again. I reluctantly put the blind fold on and carefully made my way inside. ‘Baek, you better be here because I have no idea where I’m going’ I called out, my voice sounding more confident than I felt inside. ‘I’m here’ a low voice answered, ‘Just follow my voice, that’s right’ soft hands found their way on my arms and lead me to a different part of the room. His hands pushed me down on a chair. I was about to take my blindfold off when his stern voice filled the room ‘Don’t take it off’ immediately my hands shot towards my lap ‘Baek, what is going on? Why can’t I just take this off? What is this?’ a small wave of anxiety ran through me at the loss of control over the situation when I heard his soft voice whisper into one of my ears ‘Shhh, just listen. I will tell you what to do in a second’ he placed a soft kiss just under my ear and a shiver ran through me. I tried to guess my surroundings by listening carefully. I heard Baekhyun softly pace away from me on my right and I heard the click of a button which means he must be at the sound system in the far corner of the room. Which means I was facing the mirror. A soft ballad played. It sounded familiar, I could’ve sworn I had heard it before. My heart sank. It was one of Jonghyun’s songs, Baekhyun chose one of Jonghyun’s songs to play to me?

 

**_You’re a flower that grows more transparent the wetter you become_ **

**_The white petal between us_ **

**_Become moist with regret_ **

**_Transparent but it doesn’t disappear_ **

**_When obscured from view_ **

**_At least it doesn’t hurt_ **

 

The lyrics hurt me in two ways, the fact that I could clearly hear Jonghyun’s voice in my ears but had the knowledge I would never be able to thank him for his poetry again. The other way was because the lyrics perfectly described the situation between myself and Baekhyun. We both did things we regret but didn’t talk about them, not really, and expected them to disappear but they come back again and again. Baekhyun suddenly spoke through a microphone. ‘I know we’ve been hurting each other a lot over the past few months, but the story which lead you here is the story of us and I am not ready to finish this one’ his voice was soft, velvety smooth. I knew he had been practicing these lines because of the confidence behind them, he wanted to sound sure. Jonghyun’s voice faded as the song ended and a new one started. ‘I love you Y/N, more than anything in this world and even though it will not be easy, I want to face all the difficulties of life with you by my side’ I gasped when I realised what the next song playing was. It was ‘for life’ Baekhyun sang the lyrics for me. I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my face, wetting the cotton patch that was still covering my eyes. By the time Baekhyun sang the last note I was sobbing uncontrollably ‘You can take your blindfold off now’. I softly pulled the fabric from my eyes and let them adjust to the sudden change of light. On the mirror in front of me there were about a million rose petals that spelled out: ‘Y/N, will you marry me?’ Baekhyun was crouching in front of me staying stable on one knee. In his hands was a small black velvet box that he opened before looking at me. ‘Will you?’ he asked, his nerves now clear in his voice. I was guessing he hadn’t practiced this far, afraid of the chance of rejection. I cleared my face of the tears ‘Yes, Yes I will. Now get up you idiot so I can kiss you’ I blubbered. He got the ring from the box and placed it around my finger, after he got up and lifted me into his arms, peppering my face with kisses.

**Baekhyun POV**

The second we walked into the door I pressed Y/N against the nearest wall and attacked her lips hungrily. Our lips were fighting for dominance until we both had to catch our breaths. I was still amazed that she actually said yes. It was a risky move since there had been a small chance that she and Minseok would’ve made up and gotten back together. However Chanyeol had been in on this from the beginning and kept me up to date (as much as he could) about the situation between Minseok and Y/N. He left a voicemail explaining that Y/N had send Minseok away and asking where the hell I was, because that excuse had given me the room to arrange the whole proposal. While exploring each other’s mouths with our tongues our hands roamed our bodies. Trying desperately to take in everything of the other person. Usually I would’ve been impatient to get our clothes off and get each other off as quick as possible but not today. I had just asked this beautiful woman if she wanted to be my wife, and she said yes, I wanted to savour every second of this moment. Y/N had other plans and tugged at my shirt hungrily. ‘Off, off’ she pleaded desperately. I chuckled in our kiss. ‘Patience my love, I’ll make you feel good’ I promised and softly connected our lips again. I let my hands roam her body making sure to touch every corner and curve of it. I placed one arm behind her knees and one in her neck, lifting her up bridal style without breaking our kiss. She yelped a little when I lifted her but soon let her hands lock into my hair again, deepening our kiss. I softly let the tip of my tongue trace her bottom lip and placed my teeth around it softly nibbling at it, a small moan left her mouth which almost made me lose control. I let go of her lips placing my forehead on hers, taking in a deep breath to regain my control. I placed her on the bed softly and carefully worked he shirt up to take it off. While taking it off I placed soft open-mouthed kisses on every part of her exposed skin, a soft whimper left her lips and I took my own shirt off in a rush to get back to her. Before she realised I was gone my lips were back on hers demanding entrance. I let my hands roam her waist up to her breasts. I hooked my arm around her unclasping her bra and throwing it to the other side of the room while my lips found their way to her neck and moved down slowly. ‘Fuck Baek, just hurry up already’ Y/N whined and I smiled a little while placing my lips around her nipple softly sucking. She arched her back off the mattress towards me. I ignored her request and moved my kisses down to the waistband of her jeans. I unbuttoned her jeans and she quickly pushed them off herself. ‘Hmm, eager’ I hummed against the insides of her thighs, placing kisses all around but never on the place she wanted ‘Stop. Teasing’ she moaned and it was so damn sexy that I lost control for a second and put my lips around her clit. Softly sucking the delicate skin. I placed my fingers at her entrance ‘Hmm so wet’ I hummed sending the vibrations through her and she arched her back once again while moaning my name loudly. ‘Who made you this wet?’ I coaxed ‘You did with your teasing you idiot, now don’t stop’ the frustration was clear in her voice.

I pumped my fingers up and down her entrance meeting her desperate thrusts while still attacking her clit with my tongue. I felt her tense up around my fingers ‘Baek, I’m going to come’ she whimpered. ‘Come for me baby’ I encouraged and a few thrusts later she came around my fingers. I placed my own fingers in my mouth tasting her. ‘Let me help you’ she hummed about to sit up but I pushed her back into the mattress, ‘nah uh babe, today is about you’ I quickly took my own jeans and boxers off breathing a sigh of relief at the release of the tension. I pumped my own cock a few times letting the pre-cum coat my shaft. I placed my body over Y/N’s and kissed her softly. I lined my cock at her entrance and looked her in the eyes for permission. She nodded slowly biting her lip and I push into her. Her mouth fell open and her eyes closed at the stretch. She was so beautiful in that moment that I just had to kiss every inch of her face. ‘Move’ she mumbled after a while and a thrust my hips back and forth agonisingly slow. Usually at this point I would’ve lost all self-control and would be pounding into her desperately chasing my own release, but I wanted to make her feel good so I held back, making sure she felt everything of me with every slow thrust. ‘Can I ride you?’ she croaked I nodded and slowly turned us around so she was on top and I was lying down on the mattress. She aligned herself with my cock and slowly sunk her body down. I threw my head back into the mattress. This felt amazing. She continued to ride me up and down while also slightly circling her body to hit different angles. It was heavenly and I couldn’t stop the moans and grunts from leaving my body, which encouraged her to speed up. My hands roamed her back and ass, slightly squeezing it. She placed he hands on my chest to have more leverage for her thrust and at this point I lost control and started meeting her thrusts at rapid speed to chase my own release. The only sounds in the room were our moans and grunts combined with the sound of skin slapping on skin. ‘I’m close Y/N’ I grunted feeling the familiar tension build in my abdomen. ‘Me too’ she moaned and leaned forward her lips close to my ear ‘come inside me’ she whimpered and sat back up. I took one of my hands to stimulate her clit while she was riding me and I soon felt her tense around my cock falling over on my chest. With a few rapid thrusts, I came inside her. I pulled myself out of her and got up to clean up the spillage. After we were both clean I let myself fall down on the bed beside her. We were both panting rapidly at this point. ‘How’s that for cardio training, huh?’ I joked. She shot her head towards me? ‘You heard that?’ she asked, embarrassment painting her face bright red. ‘I heard everything babe, and you’re really sexy when you’re angry’ I moved to give her a kiss but she turned her head away from me. ‘Uhg that’s so embarrassing, why would you even want to kiss me now’ she pouted. I took her face into my hands and softly forced her to look at me. ‘Because, Y/N’ I started placing a soft peck on her lips ‘You are my future wife, in sickness and in health, in happy times and embarrassment, until death do us part’ and kissed her lips once more to seal my promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being a part of this story. I can't believe I actually finished a 30K fanfic. Wow.


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